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    • #19035

      Please can anybody offer any tips or websites that will help me mentally let go of my ex please.
      I still keep thinking about him allthough the relationship is over. Thank you. HA X

    • #19037
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi healthyarchive,

      Glad you’re reaching out for support. Its very hard ‘detoxing from them’. And our bond with them was formed by trauma so the trauma bond is hard to break.

      A book that helped me is ‘Its called a breakup because its broken: The smart girls Breakup buddy’ by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. This book is humorous and light but very good.

      Also, a dating and relationship coach called Amy Young on Youtube is very humorous and empowering. I find her talks great.

      Hope that helps. Also I found marking on the calendar Day 1 (no contact), day 2 (no contact) etc. really helps me.

    • #19038

      That is helpful thank you. I think I have been dropped/disguarded/dumped etc and its painful. Allthough the relationship was generally unsatisfying and I ended it too, i would have still preferred not to have been completed erased from someones life. I realize that I need to change my thoughts and letting go of him, accepting the loss and feeling the pain is what I need to do. The other day I heard something really tragic, somebody young had died. It made me think these days/weeks and months that I have spent in sadness, what a waste of my precious time on this earth when you only have one life. i have asked myself if he would find it too difficult still being in touch as friends. He knows that I had a great holiday & that I’m happy and content. I wonder if he would feel to be in touch would be a constant reminder of his inability to maintain a good relationship, or that might be wishful thinking and he may just have used & disguarded me. No hoovering whatsoever, that would have made me feel better i think. I guess if we were still in touch sometimes and he saw through the years how i live my life, that would have made him jealous or bitter & that is why he has cut contact. I don’t understand, i was only trying to help him.

    • #19042
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi HUn

      For me I had to read loads of books on abuse , google up books on d v and should bring up, or even if there was a book u enjoyed, google that up on amazon and I find it brings up other suggested books which if u feel u relate to u can read. I laos wrote a list of the positive things about him and the negative things , then underneath I wrote what I missed and what I didn’t, reading that was a eye opener for me. I told myself everyday or asked what can he actually offer me, and reminded myself of why I walked out. Whenever I missed him I remember why I walked out and how low he made me feel , in time it gets better. At same time I took counselling to understand how I got into this abusive realtionaship and why I stayed for so long

    • #19046

      Thanks confused. My misery doesn’t make sense as he was quite a lousy partner, very mean, controlling &secretive, I just wish he didn’t dominate my thoughts still Onwards & upwards, I think I am just feeling sad as i contacted him to say hello & he has ignored me,the rejection & abandonment is painful,I will be okay ☺❤

    • #19058
      Serenity
      Participant

      If you look up CBT on the internet, you might find some tips.

      CBT counselling is an option. I myself didn’t go down this path, as I needed to talk things out, but I think its tenets help with focussing your mind.

    • #19063
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI HUn

      Don’t worry u not alone, we all had lousy partners and are all in disbelief how they did it, yes any contact and there reactions can unsettle us, keep posting how u feel , even to write it down is good, we will support u as much as we can , and u r doing so well

    • #19068

      Thank you Serenity & Confused for your suggestions I will look them up X*X

    • #19070
      Serenity
      Participant
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