Tips on mentally letting go

[Healthyarchive]

Please can anybody offer any tips or websites that will help me mentally let go of my ex please.
I still keep thinking about him allthough the relationship is over. Thank you. HA X

[lover of no contact]

Hi healthyarchive,

Glad you’re reaching out for support. Its very hard ‘detoxing from them’. And our bond with them was formed by trauma so the trauma bond is hard to break.

A book that helped me is ‘Its called a breakup because its broken: The smart girls Breakup buddy’ by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. This book is humorous and light but very good.

Also, a dating and relationship coach called Amy Young on Youtube is very humorous and empowering. I find her talks great.

Hope that helps. Also I found marking on the calendar Day 1 (no contact), day 2 (no contact) etc. really helps me.

[Healthyarchive]

That is helpful thank you. I think I have been dropped/disguarded/dumped etc and its painful. Allthough the relationship was generally unsatisfying and I ended it too, i would have still preferred not to have been completed erased from someones life. I realize that I need to change my thoughts and letting go of him, accepting the loss and feeling the pain is what I need to do. The other day I heard something really tragic, somebody young had died. It made me think these days/weeks and months that I have spent in sadness, what a waste of my precious time on this earth when you only have one life. i have asked myself if he would find it too difficult still being in touch as friends. He knows that I had a great holiday & that I’m happy and content. I wonder if he would feel to be in touch would be a constant reminder of his inability to maintain a good relationship, or that might be wishful thinking and he may just have used & disguarded me. No hoovering whatsoever, that would have made me feel better i think. I guess if we were still in touch sometimes and he saw through the years how i live my life, that would have made him jealous or bitter & that is why he has cut contact. I don’t understand, i was only trying to help him.

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

For me I had to read loads of books on abuse , google up books on d v and should bring up, or even if there was a book u enjoyed, google that up on amazon and I find it brings up other suggested books which if u feel u relate to u can read. I laos wrote a list of the positive things about him and the negative things , then underneath I wrote what I missed and what I didn’t, reading that was a eye opener for me. I told myself everyday or asked what can he actually offer me, and reminded myself of why I walked out. Whenever I missed him I remember why I walked out and how low he made me feel , in time it gets better. At same time I took counselling to understand how I got into this abusive realtionaship and why I stayed for so long

[Healthyarchive]

Thanks confused. My misery doesn’t make sense as he was quite a lousy partner, very mean, controlling &secretive, I just wish he didn’t dominate my thoughts still Onwards & upwards, I think I am just feeling sad as i contacted him to say hello & he has ignored me,the rejection & abandonment is painful,I will be okay ☺❤

[Serenity]

If you look up CBT on the internet, you might find some tips.

CBT counselling is an option. I myself didn’t go down this path, as I needed to talk things out, but I think its tenets help with focussing your mind.

[Confused123]

HI HUn

Don’t worry u not alone, we all had lousy partners and are all in disbelief how they did it, yes any contact and there reactions can unsettle us, keep posting how u feel , even to write it down is good, we will support u as much as we can , and u r doing so well

[Healthyarchive]

Thank you Serenity & Confused for your suggestions I will look them up X*X

[Serenity]

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/step1.htm

[Author]

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