Tired of being sick tired .

[Bubblegum]

Hi Ladies .I feel All time low moment I feel my head is scrambled and my self confidence has taken absolute bashing over years .From
Outside I look ok makeup on dressed ok fairly chatty etc .Inside tho felt over years I’ve been putting act on as really I’m not ok .My confidence Taken complete bashing being involved emotional abusive man .No longer together but have kids together .He does not see his kids .Turns up now again to cause upset stress .I want to better myself work wise I know what I want but when I start applying new jobs I freeze don’t feel good enough .Im doing course from home help collage .Some parts I’m stuck on .Broke down today collage library felt stupid I couldn’t get the work .I lost my father recently suddenly.Think that’s made it worse .Can anyone recommend any self help confidence apps videos books etc .So want to get out of this rut it’s been a long time life passing by .So want to change things but today my body aches tears keep coming .Im so tired now being sick tired .Please help x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi @Bubblegum, I lost my mum recently, that was the catalyst to me leaving, he refused to go to the funeral. It’s not so good when our parents die, no matter which one. I’m just recently away, hours in fact. It’s very surreal. I’m having a bubble bath🛀. Being with an emotionally abusive man is soul destroying, it kills us from the inside out. I’m glad to hear you are away from him but sad you are still getting ‘problems’. Keep plugging away at doing things for you. Change will come when we least expect it, have you thought about trying the LOA method which stands for Law of Attraction. I believe it’s what’s helped me really get out of my situation, get me the key to this flat. Going to start visualising the sale of the house next and be grateful for what I have too. And also for keeping the dogs safe as they’re still with him. Being with an abuser eventually wears you down physically, there are many illnesses that are symptomatic of abuse, I hope you find the strength to carry on, it’s awful feeling so low and unable to go forward, no matter how much you want to.
IWMB 💞💞

[Anonymous]

Hi there, welcome. You are not stupid. Look at you trying to do college, even though life is giving you a bashing!

Have you looked at the Freedom program? I found it helpful in seeing that I am worthwhile and that my ex’s behaviour wasn’t my fault.

Take some time to do something nice. It doesn’t have to be expensive, maybe go for a walk or have a nice bath, for example.

[freedomtochoose]

Hello Bubblegum, this sounds so hard, so hard.

I am so sorry you are suffering. We are here for you, though I realise it is not the same as being able to make you a coffee and offer a hug, though we can offer virtual hugs if you would like.

I write in a journal, which is a bit haphazard, as every other page is filled with lists featuring really philosophical reflections like ’empty the bins’ or ‘pay the council tax bill’…

THey say that bereavements can awaken previous losses and be particularly hard for the likes of us.
Meaning in the process of leaving, we gained probably our sanity, some of our health, a new life, of sorts…like a phoenix from the ashes…

But there were also many losses. Home perhaps, community, friends, pets, friendships with the person in the local shop that we never got a chance to say goodbye to, because we had to leave on the quiet…

These things I feel, are very hard when an additional loss comes along, like losing a parent.

I find it very hard at times to accept that actually like many on here, I have days when for my own wellbeing I might need to do less, although I know that self-compassion is a better motivator than self-criticism, I still on occasion criticise myself for not doing more…

I can offer that try to remember this is just a phase you are going through. An important phase.

You will find your own way, but one of the things that helped me yesterday was indeed the practice of being in the moment.

An awful day yesterday, felt so sad about the pain of losses in the past, and so worried about the future felt as if I couldn’t go anywhere in my head.

So I clung on to buddhist practices, on the internet and just lit a candle and tried to be happy about he birds singing, the trees, my daughter snoring…the cup of coffee…

It sounds twee, but I like these approaches to suffering. It is something that exists and you are experiencing it, my friend. We can be together with you in that suffering.

When it is time to move forward, or sideways, or whichever way you choose, it will be the right way.

Sounds like you are a lovely and decent person. I am sure from the depths of your heart you will find the right way and bring peace to yourself and others in the world.

None of us chose this path of great suffering, but I’m sure all of us would see it as a teacher, none of us wanted this kind of education, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but it does mean we understand what it means to be human.

all best
ftc
x

[fizzylem]

Hey B, you are carrying a lot of emotional pain and you have a lot on your plate, caring for children, stress from him, managing a house, trying to study and now the loss of your dad. Of course you feel weighed down and up to capacity at times. A bereavement often slows things down too, leaves us feeling less able than usual for a while, because we need time to process it and adjust.

When we feel we’re failing or not good enough it usually means we need a bit more support, that you may be trying to do it all yourself, so understandably on occassion you feel you’re getting swallowed! Are there any areas where you feel you could do with a bit more support? Maybe emotional support? Or practical support?

I may be wrong but suspect you could be neglecting you? Because with so many things to do, sometimes taking care of the self is the first aspect we let go of. Relaxing and recharging and giving yourself what you need is just as important, if not more important than everything else. If you are not firing then everything else becomes so much harder. So it may sound riddiculous that you need to make yet more time and include you in your already busy schedule, but this is a fundamental. Try to listen to what it is you need and give this to yourself and practice 3 things a day that give to you, a healthy meal, some exercise, meditation, drink more water, get your hair done, see a friend, be with your loss, whatever this is, you will know what it is you need.

When we do this is actually leaves us ready for the next thing; we feel more able to carry on and do what else needs doing.

I really admire what you are trying to do – you will get there, but maybe it’s about adjusting how you do this just ever so slightly. Look after you and the rest will follow x

[Bubblegum]

Thank you Ladies for Taken time to reply to my post .A lot what you all say makes sense .Ill try also some tips you’ve all mentioned .Ive done freedom programme and behaviour type program to be more positive etc .Ive come along way over years but deep down I don’t think I’m fully over what my Ex husband did to me kids .Read lot of posts Regards to Is it abuse leaving abusive Ex etc but don’t read as many posts how women are managing years down the line from emotional abuse etc .I know some people go from one abusive partner to another or someone like me has never gone proper date in years as totally put off with men x*x

[Anonymous]

I’m very happily man free and would like to stay that way forever. But the emotional things have taken their toll.

I’m a pretty up and down person as it is, but my ex can pull me down very fast if he’s playing games, making me feel threatened, or even if I just say no. I do wonder why I keep telling myself not to say no, and I wonder if I was better behaved if I would have been hurt so much.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Bubblegum, as you no doubt have read, I’ve recently left. There is no way on this green earth I’ll ever have a romantic relationship with another man EVER. That’s not just speaking because of what I’ve went through. I’ve always said, if we ever finished I’d never have another one. It’s too much hassle, if I need a companion I’ll get a dog or a cat.
💞💞

[Author]

Posts