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Hey there,
Merry Christmas to everyone.
I am sorry i am posting again… I have spent Christmas on my own but not fully because he kept messaging me.
He is now on the nice side, saying he needs me and trying to get me back. I have been clear it’s over, but he continues asking me to help him. He makes me feel guilty because he says how bad he feels and all this stuff. I feel he will never let me go and I am tired of this… it’s like an endless nightmare I want to escape.
His family backs him up and it feels they use all the tricks in the book to manipulate me and make me do something I don’t want (getting back to him).I suffer from trauma bonding as well, which doesn’t help me. I try to resist all his attempts to manipulate me again but I worry he wins in the end. I don’t want to be miserable forever.
How do I break this unhealthy bond? How do I make him understand he has to stop bothering me? He bring the wounds back to life everytimes I try to heal.
I need help :'(
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You need to block his number or change yours. You need to go total no contact. Only then can you begin to heal properly. Try switching your phone off for 24 hours. You do not need to have contact with him or his family. Contact is toxic for us as survivors. The more toxins we are exposed to the sicker we get mentally. You can do this x
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Oh dear. I lived with my ex after I ended the relationship. It lasted a couple weeks before he attacked me. These men are most dangerous when we try to end things. You need a safety plan to leave. You do not need to have contact with his family and you do not need to give him your phone number. Change the number and don’t give it out. Ring Rights for Women to get some legal advice. Who’s name is the home in? Can you have him removed? Have you filed for divorce. Mine was stealing money, froze account. Did all sorts behind my back to try to make me more dependent on him. They can run up huge debt if you’re married and leave you liable for half. You need good legal advice. Block his family and him from your number. But be very very careful. The violence will escalate when he loses control x
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Oh my I would never have your strength if I lived with him… so you are doing amazingly well. I can’t see anyway of recovering unless you find a way of living separately ASAP. For your own sanity I hope you find a way .
I’m sure WA helpline and the ladies who have gone through this could give you lots of advice.
I don’t think I’ve been very helpful… I’m thinking of you x*x -
The tiredness comes from being on high alert constantly. Our minds recognise danger and the response is to keep the body in a state of anxiety. I used to drag my bed and chest in front of bedroom door at night after he removed the lock. It’s a terrible way to live. I should have walked straight out that front door with my suitcase but I was bonded to that house too. I thought it was my safe place when in fact it was a house of horrors. Maybe you will recognise some of this behaviour.
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There is a room I could spend the night if there is an emergency. I won’t use it if it’s still manageable, i don’t want to leave my pet behind. I am not sure I can afford a place to stay with my pet either, considering the small quantities of pet friendly flats available.
I feel stuck, I feel he will win. He put a constant pressure on me reminding me “the good times” so I fall for it.
I see abuse in every tv show or film I watch (manipulation, control etc). I see bad behaviours everywhere, I worry I will invent them and never be able to trust anyone again.
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