To do list

[LookingForAnswers]

I had my second meeting with my WA lady and we went through the aduse well and cycle of abuse. I had seen this before but talking it through with her was very helpful.

So now I need a list I can tick off, with people I need to contact and people it might help to contact. (not in order)

* Solicitors, I will contact WA to see who they work with. Was going to ask today, but ran out of time.
* Tax credit/Council when he leaves
* Martgage advisor, to check wither I can afford to buy him out.
* Police? I really don’t know how he will react when he realises that I will not be changing my min.
* My mum, only when I am ready to tell him, as I know she will say something when she realises what is going on.

[banks]

hi Looking For Answers,

glad your meeting was helpful and well done for being so organised. If I can advise, from what I have been told you can go and report to the police, just in case. They will not contact or inform him, if you will not give permission, but you can have it on record. Hopefully you will not need it, but with them sadly it is best to be prepared.
Wishing you all the luck. If you are not feeling safe, tell your mum before you tell him, just so someone knows the situation and can be there / look out for you.

Sending hugs,

Banks xx

[lover of no contact]

Well done taking all these actions. Small steps add up. Keep taking an action everyday. I found being in the relationship paralysed me. I was either taking all the ‘actions’ for his needs and the jobs/responsibilities he left undone and then any energy left over was trying to deal with my and the children’s difficult emotions as a result of living with him (abuser ex husband).

Taking actions towards your plan to live a life free of contact with him will all add up. One small action a day over a year will lead to 365 actions which will move you forward.

Even the action of coming on here and decluttering your stuff with the view to leaving the relationship or moving on from him helped me on the path to a life without the abuser in it abusing me daily.

Keep taking the actions.

[dustypink]

I have contacted my local domestic abuse support group as well.
And you can talk to your gp.
If you’ll apply for legal aid, you will need evidece that you are the victim. Letter from gp or local support officer counts as such an evidence.
I also started to write the diary – his behavior pattern, what happens, how did I feel about this.
Step by step, more you do – more you feel confident.

[LookingForAnswers]

Thank you. I’m hoping for a call from one mortgage advisor and a solicitor. I will also phone WA to get some specialised solicitors.

I have been doing a lot of reading up today on divour and how to split the house and also child maintenance. So feel a little more informed.

I’m also starting to panic about telling the kids. My parents spilt for (Detail removed by Moderator) years when I was preteen and it was awful. Although I think they went the wrong way in telling me, so I know the wrong way of doing it.

[dustypink]

I started with Zero information, and felt scared because I didn’t know what to do and where to go.
It is not so easy unfortunately, as there is no 1 place where you can get all the information. Most of the organisations are just forwarding somwwhere else, and they are just forwarding again… But some people are really helpful.

[Author]

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