To live or not to live

[Weak Link]

I think I need to check myself into a clinic (detail removed by Moderator).

I feel as though I am going insane. I’m staring at blank walls, a computer screen, my phone or realise I am rocking standing or sitting. Then Im in tears. I am definitely losing my mind. (detail removed by Moderator). But I restrained myself with the little will power I had left.

Tried a live chat with a helpline and got disconnected twice. Then it popped in my head ‘Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do, I’m half crazy, All for the love of you.’

Well its stuck in my brain now. The flasbacks of our first few weeks of marriage do not help, followed by the abusive words, pushing down the stairs, slamming against a wall and much more.

I could end my suffering by just telling him to come back and staying quiet in future. No more solicitors, police or anyone else. Just silence. Accept what happens..

[Ocean]

Hi Weak Link,

Definitely ‘To live’.
You have endured so much and survived. You can get through this. You have valid concerns regarding your ex. I hope you get the protection you need.
Did you say you have kids? The court is starting to recognise that abusing the mother is also child abuse.
Keep going, for your kids and for yourself.
There is a physical risk from your ex, but if he behaved in public and has a good public image he may use that instead. He may not want to damage the perception people have about him. But he could use that to try to destroy you.
You are not alone. Many here know how hard it is.
Xx
PS. I’ve sent you a message too x

[Weak Link]

Thank you Ocean, I PM’d you

[Marmalade]

Weak Link, I just want to send some support. You have been so incredibly strong and brave in reporting your husband and protecting yourself and your children.
Many of us here will understand how you feel now. It’s an overwhelmingly emotional time as you deal with the conflicting emotions and the trauma bond. I similarly lost time staring into nothing and having snatches of songs in my head on replay after I reported my ex. I am no expert but think the brain is trying to process all the trauma. I also felt that I was clinging on to sanity by my fingernails. It will gradually get better.
Stay strong for you and the children. The ladies here are very supportive but also seek support. You have a DA worker, contact her in the morning and ask for help. She can refer you to support agencies. Also you could try your GP. You don’t have to suffer alone. In the longer term there is counselling.
Victim Support can also offer emotional support.
If you need support overnight or feel very low then please ring Samaritans on 116 123 or Mindline. Talk to someone. Your local area will also have mental health crisis teams if you feel unsafe. Mindline may refer or there maybe a number to ring. You can also be referred by A and E. Other more knowledgeable ladies may have more suggestions. Please don’t suffer alone. Seek help, talk to someone. You can get through this. You have done the right thing for you. Sending a very big hug.

[Weak Link]

Thank you Marmalade. Yes I have a DA worker. I wish I could say what happened but I don’t want to scare people with my depressing life. But I do appreciate everyone’s understanding and support on this forum.

[Bananaboat]

This too shall pass.xx

I think this feeling of utter despair and being overwhelmed & lost is a stage many of us experience – often to varying degrees. You are so incredibly strong for getting this far, but you’re not superhuman and it’s ok to feel all this and to reach out! Stop & breathe. Call your GP. Write today off, sleep, but do not end it, you’re worth so much more and will feel strong again xx

[Weak Link]

Thank you. Unfortunately things turned very bad. But I am safe now.

[Eyesopening]

hey hun
Sounds like a freeze response. Your body is trying to protect you. Your responding to what has been done to you. It’s not you, it’s the environement and abuse you have been put through. Once you are safe, you can and will be a happy person, but that will time time and decication, the most important and best work you will ever do. It is possible to be happy and healthy, just not really whilst living in abuse. Hang in there. Slowly start imagining what you want from YOUR life. It is yours and no one can take it away from you x*x

[Weak Link]

Thank you. I believe you are right.

[Melonballs]

Oh lovely….

Been there. Please please reach out to your gp. They can set wheels in motion for you.

Sending ((((massive hugs)))) and strength your way. You can do it xx

[Weak Link]

Thank you. I did and all they said was (detail removed by Moderator). Not very helpful tbh

[Author]

Posts