Tagged: Family. Confused
20th May 2020 at 2:30 pm #103898Ripon123Participant
Hi ladies. I hope this message finds you strong and well 💖
I’m currently trying to gather the strength and information I need to leave. I feel I’m some time off yet. But I’m reading books, spending time on this forum and looking into WA help. I’m having less moments where I think I’m crazy and it’s not abuse. So feel like I’m wising up massively which I think is a good step.
No body knows what happens behind closed doors between me and him. My family and his think he is wonderful, just like he does. I was hoping to hear people’s experiences and advice on if you told your family? I don’t think I’d dare tell him or his family he’s abusive. But I’d love mine to know, I’m so close with them and know they’ll be hurt I never said. I also don’t want them to worry so wouldn’t tell them till I was out. But how do you even go about explaining that. Thanks in advance 💖
20th May 2020 at 2:36 pm #103900KIP.Participant
I told my mum and she said she wished I had told her sooner so she could help. So my advice is to tell them now and let them help you. They will see his true colours when you leave him anyway. The main goal is to get you free and safe x
20th May 2020 at 3:27 pm #103905CantmakedecisonsParticipant
I have gone (detail removed by moderator) without telling anyone but someone I trusted (just one) as time goes on it gets harder and harder to expose your partner and talk about.
I too am close to his family and I would hate to upset them, BUT I should have done it by now and it’s hindering me moving forward.
My advice is to talk to your family, who love and will support you. You need a safe space and they will be that for you. Also when you minds muddled and confused they will be your voice of reason.
Initially you don’t have to tell them every detail, but open up that conversation and say that your struggling and you need them. I bet they will surprise you with the help they offer.
Take that step and talk.
21st May 2020 at 9:35 am #103982FiocenaParticipant
I’ve just finished my relationship after half of my life has been wasted. Like you I never told a sole. Then a week ago I dialled 999, he got arrested he’s out on bail, can’t contact me or my child. I called my mum and told her and she’s been great she has told everyone who matters, they’re all shocked but believe me. His family doesn’t except his brother, he knows what he’s like, but his mum is blind. But who cares about them really. I will tell you now once you phone the police it all stops if you want it to. Once you tell your family,especially if you have a good relationship with them, it will stop forever because you can’t let your family down and they won’t let you down. I’ve admitted that I have misjudged the whole situation and feel stupid but you’re brainwashed by them, conditioned to comply without you even knowing it. So next time he kicks off or touches you, just a push or grabs you or stops you leaving the room try to phone the police, once you do that they can hear everything that’s happening and they also advice you on what to do over the phone as it’s happening, trust me they are definitely there to help you and only you. Dont worry about the hows, the its or whys, the money, the house, the car or whatever it is can be replaced, you can not be replaced and that would destroy your family. There’s no planning involved just dial 999.
Keep safe sending you lots of positive thoughts x
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