Took advice but feel so lost today

[Littlepix]

I joined here and took advice and contacted for help. I’m going through the process now. I’ve had no sleep, not eaten much for three weeks now and couldn’t eat yesterday, I’m so confused and I hurt. I’m scared he will worm his way back in, I’m scared I can’t do this. He would come and go from the home we shared as he pleased and I never knew what I’d go home to find, if I’d have some peace and he would be not there for a while or the nastiness would wait me. I’ve had so many thoughts run through my head, so much fear, I wish it would all just stop. The minutes I did doze off I dreamt awful things. I’m trying to listen to people say things will get better but today I feel overwhelmed with guilt, embarrassment and so many other things I feel weak. I have children to consider so I’m trying my hardest to keep going, I really want to curl in a ball and hide. When will it get easier, how can anything ever get better

[KIP.]

Hi there. I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling but I want you to know that it will get better. I have been exactly where you are. I survived. I have my life back. It’s like a roller coaster ride. My advice to you is to force yourself to eat and drink plenty water. Without nutrition, your brain cannot function properly and your energy will be sapped. So the basics are force food and hydration. Next, total no contact with your abuser. Any contact will mess with your head. I know the sick feeling in your stomach and waking to anxiety. All this will pass. It means your brain and body are starting to process recover and it’s all normal. Absolutely none of this is your faul. I too had awful feelings of guilt. That’s how abusers brainwash and manipulate us into staying with them. The best thing you can do for you and your children is to keep abusers out of your life. I know you feel traumatised but I promise you with help and time, these feelings will pass. Your self esteem and self confidence will return to the person you were before your abuser dragged you down. Stay strong and have faith in yourself. It will get better.

[Suntree]

Littlepix

It is so hard, its even harder when you are sleep deprived and don’t have fuel in your body.
Eat good food even children’s portion size drink water. I didn’t see it as food but fuel to keep on going for the kids.
Like you sleep was rare, I used that time to start sorting paper work out and do the things that I would normally feel sick doing. I thought if I’m already feeling sick I might as well tackle the things that make me feel that way anyway.
I did some exercise, it helped me sleep, some people who do exercise for more energy thought it was strange. For me it helped me sleep it helped shut my brain down enough.
I did the Freedom program online it was an eye opener for me.
I knew leaving would be hard and things would get worse, I didn’t think I could do it alone, he told me I couldn’t do it alone. I stayed for too long because of fear and lack of confidence.

I did leave and we “the kids and me” did go through hell. It was his making, not mine.
I tried so hard to be amicable for the kids. I had to be because of what was going on.
If you can’t do no contact do the best thing.

Make sure he can’t just walk in and out of the house as he chooses. You have a right to feel safe in your own home.
Diary contact with him.
Keep contact to writing if you can only.
Boundaries, set them, keep to them.
If you don’t have a contact order as who see the children when and where, think what you want.

It will get better and it will be worth it. Just take it one step at a time and look after yourself.

[Author]

Posts