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Hi everyone, I’m still new to WA but the advice and strength I have had from the group is amazing. So my OH has played me again but I did not rise to it. I asked what his plans were for the weekend as I knew vaguely that my son and him would be out all weekend so I mentioned I would go and stay with a friend. As soon as I had said it I knew I shouldn’t of because he would put an obstacle in the way by means of going to work. And he did so I didn’t go to my friends and then he messaged me saying that work had fallen through and that him and my son would be out most of weekend so I would end up alone anyway. I knew he would do it. I stayed calm and didn’t react.
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I do the same, I told him I had plans with my sister last Monday and normally something happens so I can’t go but every thing he tried I had an answer to. Now I am waiting for my ‘punishment’. He tried starting an argument when I got home but I stayed calm and didn’t rise to it. He will do something but it will probably happen in a week or so. It’s like a game of chess but a blooming exhausting one.
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It’s great that you can see his tactics. But you need to realise how much this is stealing from your life. The time you’re concentrating on his games and trying to out fox him, might feel good when you manage to but youre still stuck in this dysfunctional relationship that’s stealing time and happiness and joy and good memories and another life where you’re free to do what you want and when you want without this exhausting fight and the anxiety of repercussions. You will never win with an abuser because every day you’re with him, he is winning. He doesn’t care if you’re sad or depressed or ill or pregnant or going through a bereavement or running after him. Just as long as you are there for him to abuse because making you feel small and keeping you down and stunting your growth in every way is how he gets his strength. You might have won a small battle but the war is a different thing altogether. Keep a journal and see just how much of your life is spent in this negative way. Look at the bigger picture. He’s hoping to keep you spinning with his games so you don’t stop and see the bigger picture x
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Wow KIP such amazing words and so very true. Thank you for being so honest. Your completely right with everything you said and deep down I already know. I’m not afraid to be alone he works away most of the time so I’m practically a single parent and can manage perfectly well but I have this invisible ring around me and I can’t break it.
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Yet again he is working away from home (detail removed by moderator) and I really need to go home which is a number of hours drive to help family members with something I specialise in and he told me he would be away (detail removed by moderator). He is now driving back home (detail removed by moderator) now I have cancelled plans again. So predictable.
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Hi PP, well done in recognising his tactics, but I can only reiterate Kip’s wise words. That merry go round of abuse is exhausting but you are gaining in strength and knowledge. Your enough is enough moment will come, it’s inevitable, as sure as night follows day💞 going against our partners,defying them takes courage. Do you know if his response if you went would be the same if you did something else he viewed as being deceitful. Would it be the same abuse if you stayed, the silent treatment, accusations, if so at least you’d know what you were in for but if he’s at ALL unpredictable, I can understand your reluctance and fear of what he could/might do and wouldn’t advise going jyst in case he’d ‘lose control’. Which as we know these men NEVER lose control there’s always an element of control.
Take care mo charaid, you’re time will come.
IWMB 💞💞
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