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He starts telling me about how terrible it is that womens refuges haven’t got many spaces for women when they finally try and leave.
I’m thinking are you for real. He must forget how he’s thrown me across the room and constantly controlling me. He was talking like those poor women. I want to say hello you are one of those men and I am one of those women you idiot….sorry so annoyed -
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Yes, I think they deliberately throw in confusing comments like this to confuse us. My ex used to make token comments that sounded like he supported women’s rights, LGBT rights and he even suggested we watch the film Gaslight, can you believe it! He was the biggest gaslighter you could ever meet! Unbelievable. I was coming out of the fog at the time and heard my intuitive voice say ‘no, because that’s what you are doing to me’ which startled me because it was before I consciously knew he was gaslighting me.
It’s good you can see him for who he really is. If you are planning to leave, just act normal and casually agree with him about stuff like this, don’t let it throw you.
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If I’ve understood Lundy Bancrofts book “why does he do that”. He probably justifies the ways he treats you, so he thinks “well, she did x so I did y”. It’s not justified at all but that’s his warped thinking.
He probably sees no justification for the way these other women are being treated.
Just as much as you justify and normalise his behaviour, so does he. He has his own cognitive dissonance. No one would be violent normally as they would feel guilty and awful. He’s adjusted his way of thinking so the way he treats you is more tolerable. Or it’s very normal too him already as his Mother and Fathers relationship was the same. That’s why I’ve found with my partner.
God I hope all that made sense.
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Oh Ariel totally know how you feel, it’s like living a double life sometimes isn’t it. My husband talks the same, like I should be grateful that he doesn’t hurt me as badly as some men hurt their wives, but that’s what I really need a proper good hiding to sort me out according to him. They’re completely delusional! Big hugs to you, I completely understand the need to rant about it, I am beginning to become angrier and angrier inside but the whole situation and find some days I just want to scream about the injustice of it all. Hope your day gets better x*x
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