Totally discarded

[Starmoon]

(detail removed by Moderator) after he assaulted me (even though I had big moments of doubt) i felt like it was something to hold on to… because it was physical- it was real and I had a real reason to stay away from him, to believe I didn’t deserve it and he was in the wrong. In a way, I had a small amount of power because I’d finally put a stop to it all by calling the police… but then months down the line when I fell for him again- I fell worse than ever before. He’s waisted this whole year of my life…Not to mention all the years before, but somehow this time it feels worse. It feels like he came back so he could make himself look perfect to everyone else again, to get away with assaulting me and to reset everything so that I’m worse than back to square one… that I’m not only back to blaming myself but I’m not totally discarded by him… and that’s never happened before! He’s never going to try and Hoover me back up because he’s literally done with me now. And I’ll never have closure on this… he walked away from me for the final time… abandoned me while I was pregnant but in his opinion it was what I deserved. And I’ve been dropped like I never meant anything. At least before, I could say that it was over because he’d been arrested… now all I can say is it’s over because he left me and didn’t love me…. that just gives me nothing. I know it sounds pathetic… the emotional abuse has had far worse impact than the physical ever did- but the physical seemed to give some clarity that it really was abuse

[Starmoon]

Not feeling a whole lot better this morning. I wish this feeling would go away

[keepmovingfoward]

oh honey, i wish there was something i could say that would make the world swallow the (detail removed by Moderator) up whole and spit out his bones. you didn’t ask for any of this. I can understand how it’s made you feel.

[maddog]

He has been waving his stick of Power and Control. This awful feeling will pass although it’s terrible to be in it. The emotional side of things is often worse than the physical. Please keep posting and get as much real life support as you can muster. You cannot control the behaviour of another and this is not your fault. His behaviour is nothing to do with you. You were just there.
My husband’s 1st wife must have jumped for joy when he met me. What a fool I was.

[Anabela]

I hope you are feeling better. Tonight I am just feeling s**t and i remembered that some time ago I saw a post called discarded…. That’s how i feel now.. I tried to break up with him numerous times, and he was chasing me. We kept dating and I had this voice that i can’t be with him if I love myself. And after I said that I am going away for a weekend with my best friend and no, i am not cancelling this trip because he is asking me to do that (because God forbid, there are gonna be her -male- relatives). He blocked me. And here I am crying. I know it’s for the best. I know I know I know. But I feel s**t. I feel s**t that I have to let him go. The horrible abuser that he is and yet the biggest love of my life.

[Author]

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