Trapped

[Summerstars]

Trapped- I have (detail removed by Moderator) and live with their (detail removed by Moderator) abusive father. I want to leave as I can’t deal with this miserable life I’ve been living (for a few years now) but I’m so scared of how he will react once my children and I have left. Leaving means moving away from my job to move closer to my family where I can be supported a little as a single mum. I would have to move into a council home, go on benefits as I’d have no income and apply for legal aid very quickly as I can’t afford any fees and I think he’d be straight in with legal action. He’s been physically violent on a couple of occasions in the past but is mostly mentally and emotionally abusive nowadays. I’ve tried not to let it take its toll on me as I’m well educated on abuse but it has affected me with close friends and colleagues noticing a change in me saying I’ve become subdued and that I look sad in my eyes.
I’ve worked really hard in my work and enjoy my job and my role doesn’t exist in other cities for the same pay so I’m reluctant to leave. My work has been my saviour and is my only security but also demanding with all this overwhelming stress.
I have no savings as all of my wage goes on food, petrol, bills and the children and have a small debt I’m trying to clear and this worries me as if and when this goes to court, I’m worried I won’t be able to fight against someone who I feel has more financial power.
What’s worse is that his family are toxic and say and do things that make me feel uncomfortable with out children. I confronted him about it and he doesn’t see the severity of it. I also confronted his family about something I didn’t agree with them doing to my little (detail removed by Moderator) and I feel I’m not taken seriously over it. I want to protect my children and feel backed into a corner right now. I know I have to leave somehow with no car (it’s his), no money and nowhere to go but I’m scared of making the slightest mistake that could potentially go against me in court. For example… I know that when I leave, the only way he will allow it is if I get up and go behind his back (and then contact him afterwards to arrange child arrangements) as I think he will physically try to stop me at the time infront of our children.
I’m too scared of mediation because he has lots of money for the best lawyers and solicitors etc. and he is incredibly manipulative and I’m scared il get manipulated into a decision I don’t want out of fear of his and his families reaction. My family and friends live far.
I feel emotionally exhausted and feel like I’m treading egg shells all of the time and sometimes I’m so worried about how he may go into a (detail removed by Moderator) rage that I have stopped having an opinion or questioning much or saying what I need to say. Sometimes even pressing record on my phone in case it gets out of control.
I’ve researched and researched but I’m desperate for some free legal advice and evidence based information that’s verbally shared with me in a face to face situation. I know there are services out there but it all seems so hard to contact them. I’m either in a call queue for hours or talking to someone via live chat. I just need to talk to somebody professional who’s not going to rush in with social services until I have managed to get out of the house we live in together. He will get nasty and try everything to sabotage me and use the kids to do it. I’m 💯 sure.
He wants 50/50 but I would be worried for my children well-being with this much contact as he is emotionally neglectful and doesn’t see the danger in things he should see danger in and that it is wrong. He obviously cannot protect our children.
I just want to be happy again and not feel silenced and anxious and I want my children to see who their real mother is and to be brought up in a more normal and loving environment. I am surrounded by professionals at work but can’t speak to them as I have a fear they will contact SS and then he will know and make my life hell whilst living here before I’ve escaped and I’m too scared to deal with that. I’m not sure why I am writing this but I just need some reassurance my children will be able to live with me and that there is light at the end of the tunnel if I ever get to escape this hell of a life.

[Better-days]

Reading your post was very touching as what u have described is pretty much the same situation I am in it’s horrible. my family stay close by and the thought of having them involved terrifies me but I know it’s only me who can change that but it’s so very hard to find the strength. There are lots of woman on here with great advice I’m sorry I don’t have much but I want to let u know u are not alone x*x

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