Trauma bond

[Drainedallthetime]

How is it we actually break a trauma bond, I feel like I’m in a constant battle with myself, between I know I shouldn’t continue with the relationship I know what he does and how he acts is wrong but I still to this day find myself making excuses, excuses for his behavior excuses for why he should stay( usually because of the kids). And I honestly would feel terrible kicking him out, but when he’s not around that’s when I’m at my happiest. Is the only way to break it by leaving and then starting the healing process?

[Bananaboat]

It’s incredibly difficult if you’re still in the environment or home with him, definitely not impossible but similar to asking an alcoholic to sit in a pub and it’s too easy to just grab one more drink and quit tomorrow if you see what I mean?  I think learning about abuse, the trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance, seeing their patterns from posts here or on social media groups, reading Lundy Bancroft’s books or Pat Craven’s all help because the more you see, the more you recognise what’s real & what’s an act and that weakens the bond. x

[Drainedallthetime]

Hi bananaboat,

hope you are well, thanks for responding, yes that makes sense, I noticed when I first started posting on here, I learned so much and that brang me so close to finally ending it all until I fell pregnant again, so I agree with you on that. And he did stop everything for almost a year, but it’s back to square one and I’ve tried to ask him to leave as well but it doesn’t work he always finds an excuse and it’s usually him wanting back money for everything he’s spent money on that’s in my home.

[Happybelle]

It is hard that is for sure. I am a few months single now and I still feel it. I know he was awful and I know his behaviour was totally unacceptable. And yet I’m still almost craving to be next to him as though he is still here.

its a tough nut to crack but I wouldn’t go back now ever. They are almost relying on you feeling this way to keep you in the relationship. It blows your mind sometimes thinking about it. How can someone you feel so attached to continue to treat you badly and your body and mind struggle to let it go.

x

[Anonymous]

Weekends are the hardest. I’m doing a Changing Patterns course for abused women. It’s a great support.

[Rabbits]

I have a trauma bond with this guy. I stopped all contact by phone etc now he comes in my pub all the time. There are loads of people around and I don’t feel scared of him. I noticed big red flags from day one, but I had seen all these floated ideas so many times before from other people I had been with that I know what’s coming next. I just think not that old chestnut you can do better than that. I speak to him because I want to hear what c**p is coming next. Am I stupid or what?

[Author]

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