Trauma bonded?

[Anonymous]

So confused I know my relationship is deeply toxic but I really really miss him today. Miss the good times, feeling loved, the times we laughed together. Iv tried making a list of things he had done; physical violence, verbally abusive, Got our children to insult me, forced me to have sex with him. But it doesn’t stop this ‘can’t function’ feeling today. His freind told me he still loves me but she only sees the nice side to him. He hasn’t accepted the relationship is over and told our kids he will only see them with me and he misses me but he was so horrible to me when we were together. I really want to make things right and just be held 🙁 i know I shouldn’t

[Eggshells]

How cruel of him, to refuse to see your children so that he can use them as leverage to get to you. I suspect your children could do with a big hug from you.

You can push through this. Indulge yourself in the comforts you enjoy. Hot bubble bath, cuddle with the kids, favourite film, Skype family or friends; whatever brings you comfort, spoil yourself.

You can do this. xx

[Anonymous]

Thank you, just so up and down at the moment my head is fighting with my heart.
My kids are blaming me it’s hard for them to understand. We have had a movie night In bed tonight it’s been nice but I feel like my heart is breaking x*x

[Neueranfang]

Yes it is very hard but if you go back you will always be in pain and the back and forwards isn’t good for you or the kids.I’ve been there and done it so many times.Eventually I didn’t actually love him anymore even though we were still in a relationship.I did a lot of grieving when I was still with him this time around and he had only been gone for a little while but this time I know that I won’t have him back.
In the past the kids blamed me and when he would pick them up he would say ‘do you want daddy to move back in’.All just tactics. As soon as he is back you are in hell again.My Ex also used to say to my kids ‘I won’t want you if I can’t have mum’.So wrong!Stay strong!

[Anonymous]

It is wrong it’s not fair to put the kids in the middle of it. I think it just tactic for me to see him. Just got to think of the bad times and stay strong x

[Eggshells]

Don’t be afraid to have a good old cry. I used to absolutely howl into a cushion and silent scream so that the kids didn’t hear. I felt so calm afterwards. Big hugs. xx

[Sunshines]

My ex has gone completely quiet not tried anything to get in touch with me.
I’ve been adamant it’s over and it has to be.
Best for my children and me.

But it’s like I don’t know what to do with myself I’m so confused.

I miss him but then I do not know what I’m missing ? The arguments
My house is very very peaceful tonight, calm and quiet it’s so strange to miss someone that broke you into pieces isn’t it xx

[Anonymous]

It really is its so illogical when I think about it x

[Anonymous]

Thank you I think I do need a good cry xx

[Sunshines]

It’s accepting that it’s not worked you have ideas of happy you both could of been and have been at points.
Once the abuse starts and your self esteem is ripped apart you can’t think of anyone else being nice to you like I shudder thinking of a new partner. Give yourself some time and keep going we have to be strong. Including myself too xx

[Author]

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