Trauma bonding

[kitty]

I can’t believe I just heard of this! I’ve been out for a while now and done lots of reading up on abuse. I could never work out why I stayed as long as I did. Light bulb moment here!! I’m in a new relationship but what my ex did still comes into my thoughts every day. It’s taken over (detail removed by moderator) years for me to feel 100% relaxed with my partner. Tbh it was a shock that I could show affection and touch him without being ‘raped’. I put that in punctuation coz at times I feel like it was not rape……but it was! It took months for me to feel able to cuddle up to him to go to sleep – I could not do that with my ex coz it would make him want sex and saying no caused him to get very angry or he would just keep at me til I gave in. It was a horrid experience. It just goes to show that his twisted behaviour became normal to me. In fact, he used to blame me for not wanting him. He used my childhood abuse as a reason I did not want to have sex with him. Vile man! I believed for years that it was MY fault.
I always felt like I could not function without my ex. He robbed me of my judgement and free thought. The ‘nice’ things he did gave me hope that he was a good and loving man…..but he is just evil.

[Healthyarchive]

Hi Kitty, there is a lot on this forum about Truama Bonding, I had/have it. I think the thread is called Trauma Bonded or Trauma Bonding. (detail removed by moderator) i can send you some links via private message. X*X (detail removed by moderator)

[Velveteenbun]

I know exactly how you feel. I am really struggling with my new relationship as we approach the point in my previous one where his behaviour started to change. It is really difficult to accept that my new partner isn’t like my ex. That no means no to him.i was having a s****y week the other week because my ex is being an a*s again and he didn’t even try and touch me once. When I mentioned it he ssid he knew I wasn’t in the mood. It was sort of like oh this is how men really behave.
I think I trauma bonded massively with my ex. I get really confused because I don’t want a sexual relationship with him, he made sex such an awful dreaded experience for me while we were together I couldn’t have sex with him but I feel sometimes like I want to be back with him. I just cannot comprehend that feeling because I know it isn’t love.

[Healthyarchive]

I have just read the most amazing, insightful article on Trauma Bonding and why we feel so desperate, needy and empty, whilst craving the abuser. This article is one of the best that I have read. If you would like to read it let me know & I will send you a private message with the link. We can break free from the ties and its all down to No Contact. These men are useful f**kers & we have just been unlucky to get hooked, but we can get unhooked, knowledge is power. X*X

[Author]

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