Trauma Bonding..

[Trapped.]

So I’ve been with my partner nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years. It’s taken a whole lot of mental and emotional abuse and some physical too to realise that I need out.

During those (detail removed by Moderator) year I’ve got to know his young son who I have come to adore and look at as my own. He was in the care system due to both mum and dad being on hard drugs but dad got clean and won custody of his son. (Detail removed by Moderator).

During this time, I got attention else where. It was wrong and selfish but it all come out and I’ve admitted to everything and he still wanted to stay in the relationship that’s where most of the abuse comes from.

I realise that even in times when he has a go at me for something small like (detail removed by Moderator).. he will realise in the moment tbat he’s wrong so he quickly jumps to the emotional affair I had and everything else I’ve done to make me feel horrible. I end up crying and crying to be told I shouldn’t cry coz it’s his pain. I’d get to the point in most arguments we have that I hit myself on the head.

Anyway, back to current point, we had an argument where the police come for the second or third time and I thought enough is enough. I know I can’t just leave, as I’ve tried before and he talked me back into it. Weather saying he’s going to relapse or take his life.

I’ve contacted (detail removed by Moderator) for help, dv help near me and because I’ve been assessed at high risk they can’t help. So fast forward, I’m waiting to have a meeting at my sons school with a lady from (detail removed by Moderator) and I can’t help but feel awful about it.

I mean I’m excited for my new life without him, but I guess now I’ve opened up to the school there is no going back. I feel guilty for everything. For his emotions- as he’s made me feel for a while. Or the fact his son and that I’m nit going to see him again. Or my kids as they’ve adopted him as their dad as their biological isn’t around. He is amazing with then but not with me most or the time.

How do I get out of this trauma bond feeling? I hate it. It makes me wanna stay but I know I can’t now.

Many thanks guys xx

[Bananaboat]

You keep reminding yourself of the bad and why you made this decision – if you have a journal or posts on here keep reading them. Educate yourself on abuse, the more you learn the more you recognise in your life and this backs up the decision to leave. Trauma bonding and FOG are tough and there will be awful days when you just want to give in and stay. Imagine what you want your life to be like and focus on working towards that picture.

If he chose to stay together than he chose to forgive that incident and can’t keep throwing it back at you, but if it wasn’t that he’ll probably just find something else. Good luck

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