Can trauma bonding be about going through an external trauma with someone else and your partner being there when you go through it?
I.e. What if the main trauma is not from the relationship but you dealt with it ( or not dealt with it fully) while with your partner and you therefore bonded more from the trauma than from actual love? Mistook it for love?
Hi SH, my knowledge of this is when you are so deeply hooked and feel controlled, have a deep bond which you don’t feel you can get out of, with a former relationship where abuse was a factor. There is quite a detailed article on here: http://www.abuseandrelationships.org/
Trauma bonding is deeply painful i can vouch for that though it seems to lessen over time. X
Theres so many different ways to explain it, your example is one way too, i think for everyone its different, again the trauma just has us attached to them, i was attached to him cause of different experience, he just had me so hook in , even at the begining when the fights were so bad the passsion after was so strong , sounds stupid but even when the violent escalated to a dangerous level i was frozen and trapped and thought there was no way out , that trauma bonding leaves us in a unexplainable feeling , its about getting over it
I remember a chapter in the 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics book about Intensity V Loving normal relationships and how Intensity in relationships works, i found it really helpful. My relationship was all about full on intensity, the book says it isn’t real. X