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Hi all,
I’ve been gone for a few days doing something just for me. You see, before the last assault on me I had bought and planned something for us. Everything scheduled and paid for in my name. It took lots of planning and ended up costing me quite a bit, but I went without him. And the world didn’t end.
The nights before I did have nightmares of him somehow having managed to be there, breaking his restraining order and finally finishing me off. If he did show, he kept himself hidden, but I don’t think he did.
I wouldn’t say I enjoyed going without him, but I didn’t not-enjoy it either. I even smiled and laughed on occasion. And there were moments when something would happen where he and I would normally put our heads together and have a personal little commentary between us where I got teary-eyed, but the tears didn’t fall.
I made a memory without him.
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That’s what you need to do now. Make new good memories. The fear of him coming back to finish me off really held back my recovery but I think it was a phase that just needed to play out. One day recently, a switch just went off and I wasn’t scared of that anymore. I think it was a combination of time, therapy and self confidence returning. Keep going x
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