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I have long thought that my ex’s behaviour was a bit like a dry drunk, but because it wasn’t drugs or alcohol I couldn’t put my finger on it.
So much of what I understand about abuse points to the addiction factor of abusers and that they constantly need supply. It would explain why they don’t stop and even are unable to stop. They need their fix.
It would also explain why, when we go grey rock that their behaviour becomes more extreme and they use any way to get to us when we have no choice but to take part, such as in the family courts.
It also makes sense that abusers don’t rely on evidence. They rely on emotion, which makes their reality very flexible.
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Yes, I’ve always thought this but I’ve also thought about victims as addicts too. I know I was addicted to the love bombing. Even if it meant suffering horrendous abuse beforehand. It was also a terrible time with withdrawal symptoms and I’ve often thought his withdrawal symptoms must have been much worse. Imagine losing your heroine in one fell swoop. Just gone and the police telling you you can’t have it back. The bottom line is they choose to abuse. We are just trapped in their web of addiction.
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hi ladies just reading your posts. so this gut wrenching feeling i have is basically withdrawal symptoms? if so it makes complete sense.. i am so glad hes gone i never want to see or hear from him again i hate his guts yet i can’t stop thinking about him. i feel like im going mad
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“I’ve often thought his withdrawal symptoms must have been much worse” – I never thought of it this way, only of myself as being addicted to him, but I think you all might be right that they were addicted to abusing us and thus must have gone through withdrawal too. I don’t want to feel bad for them though. In the end I was addicted to any little crumb he would throw my way. Reading this is changing my perspective on things, like the time I knew I had to recover after hospital, it was well-known beforehand what was going to happen to me and how long my recovery would be, and I was so anxious in the months leading up to it. I was scared what I might say when under the influence of medication, I always put my anxiety down to this, but really I think I was terrified because I knew he would have to be the one to do things around the flat for a little while without help from me, I knew he would have to try and let me recover, and I knew he simply couldn’t go that long without hurting me. I just knew even if it was only for a short time, I just knew he wouldn’t be able to “be nice” for the duration of my recovery. And in the end, he wasn’t. He couldn’t make the distance before he assaulted me. I think you’re right that he must have been addicted to assaulting me. Put downs and emotional abuse which was nearly daily just wasn’t enough for him.
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