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I find looking at this type of abuse in depth is very freeing when you see it for what it really is – instead of blaming my self for not being good enough!
Triangulation is to distribute anxiety.
It’s the distribution of stress more broadly among parts and achieve a better sense of balance, control, smart-assness, superiority, submission, threat, and control.
It’s a soft torture, it’s psychopathic.
To draw you closer, the psychopath creates an aura of desirability, of being wanted and courted by many.
Because they are better than you and they are too much for you.
Because they are the best and they deserve the best of the best.
Because they are so full of s**t and hot air.
Because they want to make you insecure, and they make sure that you’re watching.
Because it’s a premeditated soft erosion for your sense of self and free will.
Because it’s an assassination for your inner peace and mantra.
Because being yourself a true gentleman whom they couldn’t be must be destroyed, and You don’t destroy what you want to acquire in the future.
Because it’s possible now Every a*****e have a wireless something in his a*s he’s using FB or IG or tinder of God knows what else, and he’s/ she’s triangulating, or even hexagonating.
Because They are grooming others as they erode your identity—two birds with one stone.
The point from triangulation is to make you feel as if you are a jealous, needy, insecure, doubtful of your self, submissive and ready to be fed on.
In a normal relationship, people go out of their way to prove that they are trustworthy but the (detail removed by moderator) does exactly the opposite. They are constantly suggesting that they might be pursuing other options, or spending time with other people so that you can never settle down into a feeling of peace. And they will always deny this, calling you crazy for bringing it up.
You met the broken person, you fixed him, you brought him comfort, so you expect loyalty back right? but triangulation happens when they go outsourcing confront from some old ex or new supply and gradually start to cancel plans with you, and soon you will start to hear a different language, different hobbies, different interests.
Because the message is clear, it’s simply you’re not interesting anymore.
Back to the question :
Why does (detail removed by moderator) triangulate?
The message is simple:
You are no longer special. You had it long ago, but you lost it, it’s your fault, You are replaceable. If you don’t give them the worshipping they deserve, they’ll always have other sources. And even if you do give them positive energy, they’ll get bored of you eventually.
They don’t need you. Their current round of fans will fulfill the job.
The final triangulation happens when they make the decision to abandon you. This is they’ll begin freely talking about how much this relationship is hurting them or how bad you are. and how they don’t know if they can deal with your behavior anymore. They will usually mention talking to a close friend about your relationship and smearing your name everywhere.
For me, it sounds like divide and conquer.
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Thanks for that. Knowledge is Power. It hurts so much to be triangulated, which we are in so many ways. We can also be triangulated with the abuser’s phone, their job, other family members. Anything and everything comes before us to the abuser. We are not important in their eyes. What is important is that they maintain Power and Control over us. Triangulation is one of their tools to achieve this. I suppose we shouldn’t take it personally. Just says more about them that they are so shallow/hollow/lacking that they need to carry out the wrong behaviour of triangulation.
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I think this has happened to me, what you said makes so much sense diymum@1 about distributing stress. Not sure how much detail can go into on here but someone known to us both, basically brought her into our family, began pushing boundaries again & again.
There were weird comments, how she thinks he’s so smart, how she doesn’t want kids because she doesn’t want to end up like me because apparently according to her, my life is over. He was always at work, never at home. One of our kids was really ill during this time. Then over the last year the shouting escalated, and strange comments that only made sense if they were in a relationship, then when I’d question he’d backtrack. Quite a long time ago now he said ‘xx says she’ll never hurt you’ and I said what does that mean?
He also said multiple times in rows that he wanted a divorce, till I told him over the phone when he was away that I wanted a separation, one of the main points apart from the shouting was that I couldn’t deal with their relationship, that it was too close. Then he confessed that they’d been having an affair. Why did he try to convince me all this time they weren’t, I don’t understand any of it.
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You know what’s really interesting about all this is – they are actually the ones that need their weak little ego fed constantly in order to boost it up. Wee tiny little men. Only someone with no real self esteem needs to hurt others in order to make themselves seem powerful. So just put that mirror up and shine it in the direction it really belongs. Once again, they like to make us wear – who they actually – are. I finally just started laughing when I would see that from one of my ex’s. I’m thinking – seriously? You put all that time and energy in thinking this will make me jealous or something? LOL! They can have you!
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