- This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I don’t know what to do anymore. I already took all the steps to leave before. Went through everything. And we’re back together. I KNOW it’s wrong. I KNOW I have to leave. But I just feel like I can’t. I don’t have the strength anymore. Every time he now lashes out and calls me names or asks ridiculous requests of me, I’m too tired to call him out. I just comply.
I’m the one who gets blamed that he can’t find work cause he now has a criminal record cause of our past. I’m the one having to pay for everything. I’m the one ‘holding on to the old him’. I’m to blame for everything that goes wrong, I get shouted at for things like liking to drink coca cola, or not detailing my entire way home. He’s not physical anymore, but I still feel like I’m in a cage. Every time I go online I get questioned about who I’m talking to, and then he just asks if I mind it. Of course I do, it’s controlling, but him asking makes me feel like I’m not allowed to mind!
I’m not allowed to be angry about all the horrible physical and emotional abuse he put me through, cause I need to “move on and accept the new him’. But the new him – to me – seems just as n**********c and mean and unreadable as the old one. He just doesn’t hit me anymore.
He tells me I don’t have any friends. Told me to go off the pill cause it was making me feel ill. Then when I stopped taking the pill he said he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore cause he didn’t like condoms. He makes me pay for everything, then says that it’s my own choice: either I care enough to pay for us to be together, or I’m a horrible selfish person who refuses to pay. But it’s sucking up all my savings and efforts.
I don’t know what to do. I already went through the legal processes, but was too scared to ask for a restraining order. My friends are tired of me going back to him. I feel so alone.
-
Hey, we all know how you feel. You’re not going to be able to do this on your own. Are you in touch with women’s aid? You need support and someone walking your journey with you. For me the final step was to let the police and agencies take everything out my hands. I was just too exhausted to think straight. I just jumped. Took that leap of faith. It’s good you’re coming on here and talking about it. Abuse leaves no headspace for rational thinking. Do you know about trauma bonding? Can you slowly rebuild a life for yourself outside the relationship. Do you have strength to speak to your GP? Women return on average 7 times before finally breaking free. At least you’ve tried. You know it can be done x
-
-
Hey KIP – thank you for your support, it means a lot.
I have been to the police, we went through an entire case and I was proven right, he admitted to everything and was sentenced. That’s what makes it hard. For the authorities, for my family, my friends, our case is over. I don’t know how I’d talk to them and admit that I went back, even after all that. I talked to one of my friends and after I told her she just stopped speaking to me, saying she can’t keep telling a j****e to quit. I just thought that after the case and his rehab therapy he had changed. But it feels like rather than him, the form of abuse just changed – now he uses terms he learnt in therapy to make me feel like I am doing everything wrong, even when I know rationally that I haven’t done something wrong at that time.
-
Hey, I know how you feel. They are such manipulative people. It’s sad that you can’t tell your friends and family. I think sometimes people can’t take the pain while watching you suffer and it’s easier to walk away. They don’t understand the complex nature of abusers. I know you will eventually find the strength to leave because you have so much to offer life. You need to keep working on your own self esteem. Ignore his behaviour as the will just lie and twist whatever you say. It doesn’t matter to them as long as they’re in control of you. Your friend is right about the addiction to these men. It’s much more complicated than we understand. Your time will come when you realise you don’t need him and you never did. He is the insecure one. We are everything without them, they are nothing without us x
-
hi there, i went back time and time again even after getting the police involved many times. and my friends, family, everyone basically took a back step from me and the situation. ‘no one got me’ including myself! they zap us of everything and be start to believe were truly trapped. this might not help because its part of this process – sometimes (i think because we are fighting a form of addiction) we have to hit rock bottom. when my health started to suffer mentally and physically and i felt i could be on the brink of a breakdown i just couldnt go on. i was like the road runner cartoon i just screeched to a halt – i knew i just couldnt take this anymore. you might find you will reach this point and with help you will do this. you will break free like me and many other people on this forum. i thought i would never be free – we do get there in the end – reach out for all the support you can – its easy to say but its not worth reaching crisis point in order to do this. would you consider refuge? xxxx love diymum
-
Hi USH. I’ve not written here for a while but I still read posts. I remember telling myself ‘just put one foot in front of the other and walk’. I was so low I dissociated from reality. Couldn’t even feel the warmth of the sun in a hot day. I was frozen. Now I’m not out of the tunnel yet but I carry on walking. I’ve lost people who I thought were friends and lots of material stuff. It’s just my 3 children, my depression and me. But there is a sense of dignity in all this that nothing else can provide. It’s now about finding yourself. I lost myself through emotional abuse. But I want to try a find me again. I send you lots of love and strength
-
I don’t think that this is a good sign.You can’t build a health relationships with a girl who still in her past.I think the sense of new relationships is to find the one for the hole life.
In present there are so many options to find somebody.You can go to any chats, (link removed by moderator) and find somebody.
Cause the main thing in our life to be happy.Don’t waste your time on unhealthy relationship,so just move on!
My best wishes to you! -
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
