Triggered by new relationship

[Starmoon]

I say new… it’s not that new, but it’s not a new relationship away from my ex abuser. I spent a few years single… mostly by choice, I taught myself to have zero tolerance and to spot red flags (at least I hope I did).. but I didn’t ever actually envisage being in a relationship… I genuinely believed that relationships didn’t work, that almost all men were abusers and the ones that weren’t, were taken. I didn’t imagine or prepare myself for how I wouldn’t handle being in a non toxic relationship and I didn’t realise that the day to day dealings of said relationship would drag up so many memories of the abuse I suffered.
I so quickly jumpy into fight or flight mode, I have nightmares about my ex and I basically press self destruct with my partner on a regular basis. I truly don’t believe he’s an abuser… he talks, listens, says he’s sorry and puts up with my irrational behaviour… but I just didn’t see this coming… I had so much safety and security in being alone, I never imagined meeting someone that I’d want to be with… and now I worry that my behaviour will push him away. He says it won’t but anyway…. I just didn’t imagine feeling like this… I thought I was better and past the abuse but it seems I haven’t actually fully dealt with it.
I’ve done the freedom program and I’m paying for private therapy as and when I can afford it so I don’t think there’s much else I can do on that front… but is this normal?

[Starmoon]

So sorry for the many mistakes… I’m dyslexic. I hope you can make sense of it

[Lisa]

Hi Starmoon,

Thank you for sharing with us. I am sure others will be able to relate to your feelings about being in a new relationship after an abusive relationship. Great to hear you have completed the Freedom Programme and you are attending therapy when you are able to. It takes a long time to recover from an abusive relationship. Keep leaning on all of the support available.

Take care,

Lisa

[Author]

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