Triggering places.

[Tiffany]

I am back in the city where I lived for many years with my abuser visiting a friend. He has long since moved away, and I thought it would be fine. But I am experiencing an increase in the symptoms from my disability, particularly those caused by stress. I can’t put my finger on what exactly is triggering. I haven’t done anything that we ever did together, or been anywhere I associate with him. I am not worried he might show up. He doesn’t have friends here. And I am really frustrated that I cannot relax and enjoy spending time with my friend. Any suggestions?

[maddog]

There are places that I still do not feel comfortable in and even sitting on a bus in the area mkes me freeze. I still don’t really know what the triggers are. I know that I was in utter hell when I lived there and although I am now safe from the horrors they still silently haunt me. I think I am reminded of being very ill and the sense of utter invisibility and worthlessness.

For a very long time I couldn’t easily visit my parents home town.

I don’t know what the answer is. You sound like you are doing all the right things & working on what you enjoy and being with people you feek safe with.

Have you had counselling or other real life help?

[Tiffany]

I figured out the specific anxiety I think. I have arranged to meet some other friends who live in the city. Again perfectly safe. My ex focused on persuading me that I wasn’t well enough to meet them, and that they weren’t really my friends. So fortunately he never even met these people. There isn’t a chance in hell that he is in contact with them. But being here and meeting these people has triggered the old fear that they don’t really like me. Logically, they are meeting me because they like me! But my brain isn’t really onboard with that.

Unfortunately I live in a pretty remote area now. I saw the single counselor in the area for a bit last summer, but she didn’t have experience of dealing with domestic abuse and was worse than useless. The anxiety she caused me helped to trigger a huge relapse in my physical condition, which I am still struggling to deal with, and she left me feeling less able to cope and with new anxieties not bourn of abuse as well as the issues I had hope to address. I could potentially travel to another area two to three hours away and get more specialist help, but it is a pretty huge commitment and I am hoping not to have to.

[Iwantmeback]

Well done on getting to the bottom of what was triggering you. My oh has also said what yours did about friends not really liking me, they’re only friends with me because of him. It got so bad I actually asked one of the ladies that very question, she looked at me as if I was crazy. I didn’t say why I’d asked, maybe I should have, but they’ve all been friends with him for well over (detail removed by moderator) Funny thing is we no longer see them, as he says they’re all ar…oles.
You must feel really good at being able to meet up with them again😊
IWMB 💕💕

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