Triggers and Abuse from family member

[Starmoon]

Something happened recently that’s made me connect some dots.

I’m unwell with the well known lurgy, I’m also pregnant… whilst I don’t.. or didn’t think my current parter is abusive- a situation has occurred that’s made me doubt it.

Basically i had to call for medical assistants but due to previous and on going medical negligence, I was incredibly triggered (I keep getting my posts deleted so I’m guessing I can’t put my diagnosis’s).. I was so unbelievably worked up by being fobbed off yet again, and my partner kept trying to talk to me.. I kept asking him to leave me alone but he wouldn’t. I said (detail removed by moderator) and he called me ridiculous, I was already feeling awful but that just pushed me over, I asked him to leave me alone which he wouldn’t.. i think he was trying to talk the situation down but I was in full scale fight or flight by then, so I called my mum and said it’s like he doesn’t understand or believe what I’m going through… and then he said I was liar.

It Carried on (detail removed by moderator)…I had (detail removed by moderator) after he called me ridiculous because I felt he was belittling my feelings and experiences… I told her he didn’t believe what I’d been thought as that’s how his remark had made me feel. He said I was lying- that he’d never said he didn’t believe me… splitting hairs maybe as it was certainly my interpretation.

(detail removed by moderator) whilst I was still in bed extremely poorly, he msged me to say he was sorry, but he denied ever calling me ridiculous. By this stage I didn’t even care what the argument was over- all I cared about was that he was trying to imply that something didn’t happen- when I know full well it did. It’s crazy inducing.. my ex did it to me regularly… and I have now remembered that my dad did too- in fact my dad did it all my life… and my mum would believe him (until very recently) he and my mum would regularly tell me I had a problem with my memory! I fundamentally believe I don’t…at least not anything any worse than any other average person.. but to be constantly told that as a child is awful isn’t it? I couldn’t cope when my partner was denying something that I knew has happened… So much so that I told him I couldn’t ever forgive him-and I’m still not sure I can. I can’t understand why anyone would say something didn’t happen- when I know it did. Everything now seems to make sense, I suddenly have so so many flash backs of when this happened to me as a child and how it used to make me feel.

[Lisa]

Hello Starmoon,

I’m so sorry to hear that the dismissive and minimising behaviour you have experienced recently from your partner has triggered memories of the gaslighting abuse you experienced from your ex and from your Dad.

This sounds really traumatic and distressing. I can understand this could be a really upsetting thing to experience again, particularly when you are feeling unwell and potentially vulnerable.

It sounds like you have the ability to recognise these triggers, and are making sense of your reaction to these behaviours, but it can be so difficult when memories resurface and we experience that trauma all over again.

I hope you have some emotional support with what you’re going through. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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