Triggers are still strong

[bubbles]

Years on and my day to day life is good and happy. I am doing well i don’t really think about him i would say i’m fully over him but…. my triggers are still as fresh as the day it happened. Christmas was always a horrible time of year for me when i was with him. He would be horrible around that time of year because he drank more. The run up to christmas is starting and i feel sick with it. Everything the cold, the christmas music and shopping makes me feel as sick as when he was here abusing me. Not only has this triggered me but i was driving through an area where he used to live and a song came on the radio i used to listen to when things were bad and my stomach just went in knots. These triggers aren’t fading with time like all the other stuff has it’s like it’s happening all over again. Xmas is ruined nomatter how much my life changes and how much the old is gone i’m still brought back to these horrible feelings which i cannot see ever going away. Come xmas day i will be a nervous wreck anyone still feel like this years out of it? and how do other people deal with these triggers?

[Ayanna]

What about booking a Christmas holiday on a tropical island?

I always work at Christmas. But this may change and I may take a holiday abroad instead.

He never allowed me to have a tree or decorate the home.

I have a large tree now and I have ship loads of decoration too. I love the glitter and I indulge in it now.
I play the songs from my childhood to which he never had access to. I listen to music he never knew. He has nothing to do with the new Christmas that I have since I fled.
My place is full of candles and lights.
The windows are decorated with stickers.
I have a Christmas jumper.
I have Christmas earrings for work.
I make advantage of the sales and buy myself beautiful presents.

I had made the decision to make Christmas a sparkly and wonderful time for myself for the rest of my life.

[Serenity]

Hi Bubbles,

There was another post last night about Christmas. It seems to trigger a lot of people.

Only engage in those things at Christmas that make you happy. Forget all the rest. Make it a time to indulge yourself. Our abusers wanted us to indulge them and got nasty at Christmas because they couldn’t bear is being happy- well, turn it on its head. Do whatever makes you joyful.

[strong soul]

I feel the same way. Christmas has such bad memories for me. This year I am particularly worried. It was (detail removed by Moderator) since I ended the relationship, however I’m worried because last year he sent my daughter a birthday card for her (detail removed by Moderator) birthday, she was (detail removed by Moderator). That means that in his mind this will be the (detail removed by Moderator) anniversary. I know he will blame me for everything that has gone wrong in his life in that time. I have this deep rooted fear that he will come back to kill me one day. I’m much stronger than I was and know that I can stand up to him, however he is significantly taller than me and can easily overpower me. I know this is a horrible thing to say but I will only feel safe when he is either dead or in prison. It’s unlikely that I will be told of either. Will this fear ever end?

[Author]

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