15th June 2016 at 1:56 pm #19185AlicenotichainsParticipant
Yesterday I felt great, so today’s feelings have come as a bit of a shock. I am being triggered constantly by words, sounds, smells and sights, food that we are together. I didn’t cry like this when I was being abused, he could be purple with rage, but I wouldn’t shed a tear. I was absolutely petrified of him when he got angry. I was constantly walking on eggshells. It’s been 8 days since he last attempted to contact me. Now I can’t go anywhere without taking this feeling of longing for him with me, I am sleeping in his side of the bed, I went no contact but part of me wants him to contact me. I thought I was ok yesterday but today I feel like someone else. The only thing that is stopping him from contacting him is the small feeling of self respect I have for standing up for myself- but that’s not much comfort to me now. I feel utterly horrific.
15th June 2016 at 2:21 pm #19188HealthyarchiveBlocked
Dear Alice I have found 1000% identical to this at points during the past 4 months. The longing, sadness & desperation, even to be stalked was so painful, I was deeply heartbroken. He dropped and erased me out of his life, the most hurtful thing that could happen was for me to be abandoned & he did this. Alice, internal peace, happiness and light is there in your future, you need to go through this, feel this pain. I feel so much happier at the moment, I feel that I have had some closure after he ignored my email to him last week. I feel like I’m beginning to get my life back. Last night I read a book which had a whole chapter in devoted to Trauma Bonding which is what you have now strongly and which I have too though less severe now I’m hoping. The book was called, Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft.
Here is some really helpful info. http://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Survivors/trauma_bonding.html
Another quotation that I like is called “Love your Suffering” it is by Hermann Hesse and is about not fearing or trying to avoid all of the pain that you are feeling, rather welcome it. You should be able to read the whole quote on the internet somewhere.
Read No Contact by HG Tudor, free to read on Amazon immediately, and also Fuel by the same author.
I have just found M Scott Peck, his quotations are going to get me through the remaining s**t. I’m almost there, I can feel it.
KEEP POSTING ALICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
15th June 2016 at 2:43 pm #19189AyannaParticipant
I was like this when I called the police for the first time and they removed him from the property. He called me every day. I let him back. Biggest mistake ever!
When you live with an abuser you develop Stockholm Syndrome. That binds you to him and it is difficult to let go.
Once you know what it is you may find it easier to separate yourself from him.
Develop your self respect.
Always remember, that a man who truly loves you would never hurt you. He would feel pain when you feel pain, he would feel sad when you are sad. He would never want to scare you. He would want you to be happy.
He would never shout at you, he would never have outbursts because of you. Because, if he loves you, whatever you do he will accept and live with it.
You did not experience true love.
You experienced abuse and mistook it for love.
Do not let him back into your life.
Post away here, speak to your local WA, get support. Never ever take him back.
You deserve so much better. You deserve a happy and safe life!
15th June 2016 at 4:04 pm #19195AlicenotichainsParticipant
Thank you ladies. I felt fine yesterday. I don’t understand why it’s so up and down? It feels like grief- I am an intelligent person and I have made a conscious decision to shut him out of my life- I feel guilty, sad… Hopefully tomorrow will be better xx
15th June 2016 at 4:33 pm #19198KIP.Participant
Hello there, it’s a real roller coaster ride. Please contact your local branch of women’s aid who will help you through this period. It does get easier but it takes a while. Trauma bonding and cycle of abuse are good topics to read up on. Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven too. Stay strong and take baby steps x
15th June 2016 at 4:44 pm #19201HealthyarchiveBlocked
Dear Alice, I have felt identical to this. Overwhelming grief and emotional pain, I could not understand it, I finished it as I knew that he was mainly useless. I too am an intelligent professional woman, never had severe mental health problems or severe abuse before. I decided to get him out of my life as you have & since then I have felt a range of emotions including sadness, depression, joy, happiness and now comes certainty. The No Contact gives you clarity. His NC towards me in return hurt me deeply & it made me desperately want anything, even a morsel of interest or concern although I knew this did not mean that I wanted him. Just some contact so we could have talked properly and cut ties decently. He devalued and discarded me I did not even have the privilege of a hoover. Please try and stay strong, post on here all of the time, get your thoughts out, it helps so much to eventually get over it. It takes time though. X*X
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