trip to the gp

[tryingtoswim]

Hi All –

I have just been to see my doctor and we got chatting about my abusive past with my ex husband. I told her that I had done the pattern changing course through Womans Aid and her response ‘what exactly is woman aid?’ I was actually speechless. I then explained to her what womans aid is all about, what they offer, this forum etc and she was writing notes as she said she ‘knew someone that would benefit from this.’

I cant actually believe that healthcare professionals are not aware of Womans Aid and the work they do – what would have happened if I had gone to the GP today looking for support – she would not have had a clue – this makes me feel really saddened for woman out there who have yet to be pointed in the direction of woman aid

I hope you lovely ladies are all well today and keeping safe

xx

[Confused123]

I know its quite sad how many ladies dont know about this site, i actually only came across it towards the end when i had left my ex, what a blessing

[KIP.]

I went to a psychologist and told him about my horrific abuse. He suggested Relate or a temporary separation! I though if he doesn’t tell me to run for the hills, my abuse can’t be that bad. I endured another six years of rape and intimate terrorism because of his ignorance. And these people are supposed to help us!

[mixed-up mum]

Hi ladies – well the only way I found out about this forum was 6mth after leaving him, and my Women’s Aid support stopped, and the woman there suggested I use this forum instead…..

I have never told my Doc what my marriage was like – I did try many years ago when things were bad, and I felt guilty I thought it was all MY fault as I didn’t/couldn’t supply him with sex as and when he wanted it.

I asked my Doc (a rather old man, near retirement, whom I gone to since the age of 16) if there were anything he could give me for a very low sex drive, I thought if only I could MAKE myself have sex with him and let him do it then everything would be OK in our marriage again. (this was in the early stages whe I still thought we could ‘fix’ things)
The Docs reply to me was to try Relate – or basically just live with it – and I should try harder!!!
But I couldn’t (and never did) let him know how bad things were – he was an old man, he never would have understood, and he was the only Doc at the practice, I couldn’t tell him intimate things like what he was doing to me.

I have a new Doc now – a middle aged woman much the same age as me – but I have never ventured to discuss with her what went on in my marriage either…..I’d like to hope that SHE would be more understanding and supportive…..

Trying to Swim – can you tell me a bit about the “pattern changing course” which you attended? Was it useful to you, did it help?

I was never offered any courses after I left him – but I need help in order to say NO to my ex – I’m a few years out – but he still calls the shots – whatever he says goes – I don’t have the courage to stand up and say no – I feel the course you did might be useful for me??

[Serenity]

The only reason I thought of contacting Women’s Aid was because I vaguely remembered them being mentioned in my work in the past.

I never knew what help they could offer. I gingerly rang them – only after my ex has left- and didn’t even know if I was entitled to help, as he’d left.

They were supportive from Day 1 and the help I received snowballed from there.

I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Women’s Aid. I wouldn’t have survived.

[Ayanna]

Yeah, I have seen and heard unbelievable lack of knowledge among health professionals. They all have to do safeguarding training. The question is: of what quality is their safeguarding training? Jeremy Hunt should be able to answer this question ….

[tryingtoswim]

I think the face gap’s and health professionals are not aware of them is awful – especially as this doctor was making notes of what I said because she ‘knew someone who would benefit from knowing’

I also found this forum by accident but think how many woman could be helped if professionals know about it!

Ayanna – thats a really good point on the safeguarding training – I did a post about that a while ago as I recently had the training and domestic abuse is now a recognised ‘category’ of abuse. But throughout the training my trainer was referring to it as domestic violence. I raised the point that it was now referred to as domestic abuse, due to the fact womaam may not associate with the word violence if their abuse was psychological etc. He told me that this had come from the government and they knew better than me.

Saddens me that small steps such as the wrong terminology or gap’s not knowing about support networks like this, how this could impact on a woman life who may be searching for answers.

[Ayanna]

Yes, I know about this terminology issue. If the safeguarding training was good all health professionals would know about Woman’s Aid and what to do if they came across abused women and children. But they do not and many of them are very oblivious to the situation. It is a worrying scenario in the face of the scale of domestic abuse.

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