Trouble thinking I am entitled to things

[Serenity]

I think one of the reasons that I stayed with my ex so long is that- like many of you ladies- I somehow didn’t think I deserved any more.

I think I may have already held this belief slightly, but my ex made this self-belief massive.

He made me feel guilty for wanting anything.

Does anyone else still struggle with this?

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Serenity of course you deserve good things! Never doubt yourself you’re a beautiful human being remember that. He can p**s off he’s the one who doesn’t deserve anything. Read positive affirmations about self love and self belief and it will help you x

[Suntree]

Serenity.

oh yes and once reckonised it is hard work to change it, but you can, it is so worth the effort.

I have taken years to change the “scripts” in my head. It takes a huge effort to get those negative voices out of my head.

One thing I try to imagine is they are holding the stick. All the negativity and bad things are in this stick.

They have beaten me with the stick, they put down the stick and walked away from it. Then they expect me to pick u[p the stick and keep beating myself up with it, because it is too much effort for them to carry on with the stick so it is easier for them to get me to use the stick.

Sometimes I find I have this stick in my hand without even knowing I picked it up. But by imagining this stick and knowing it is not my stick, it is theirs it makes me easier to drop that stick and let go.

Then I have to look around to find something else to hold on to so the stick can get back in. Filling my life with positive things so there is no room for the negative.

To find the positive I have to look at me and things I have achieved. At first this was really hard, they are there.
it might be something as simple as even though I was shaking like a leaf, I did that meeting in work.
Or I took a deep breath today and listened to the birds and it was beautiful.

I look and talk to people I admire and see what they do, how they handle a situation and learn from them. It might be just a little hint that fits with me, but that little hint could be the key to something I was struggling with.

In my case boundaries and people crossing them and why it is okay to say these are my boundaries and they aren’t to be messed with.

Slowly that stick goes away and so does the believe that your not entitled to anything.

I have also shouted out (in my head and aloud) I AM WORTH THIS. I DESERVE THE BEST. and other such sayings which fitted the bill at the time.

I have learnt not to be just grateful for tip bits of kindness to hide nasty behavour but to say “your not good for me and I have no room for people and things that don’t enhance my life, goodbye.”
Sometimes that is the most wonderful empowering feeling and sometimes it feels rotten as I still questions and feel bad that I might have hurt someone.

Each time a little further down the road I know I made the right decision and then I put that in my changing the script file and use it to help me when I wobble.

Society says as women we should be meek and not be demanding. We still teach young girls this sadly.

It is up to us to work on ourselves and the women out there to find our voices and to say as the advert says “WE ARE WORTH IT”.

[Serenity]

I can hear him in my head, telling me it making me think I should have very little.

Then I think of all the Syrian refugees and civilians and then feel guilty!

It’s like I am now programmed to think others should have things but not me. I keep getting things for my kids but not for myself!

Of course, I have treated myself with a holiday, but even my focus there was the kids.

😳

[Confused123]

HI HUN

TOTALLY AGREE WITH POSITIVE AND LOOKING AHEAD, WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS, PUT YOURSELF FIRST, I WAS SPEAKING TO A FRIEND TODAY AND SHE ENCOURAAGES ME SO MUCH TO THINK POSITIVE, SHE WAS ACTUALLY SAYING SEND LOVE FFROM MYMIND TO EX, GET ALL THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM AND IT WILL HELP U MOVE ON, IF WE THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY DID US THEY BRING OUR SPIRIT DOWN , I KNOW WHAT THEY DID WAS UNFORGIVIABLE BUT I ACTUALLY FOUND BY FORGIVING EX IT IS HELPING ME MOVE ON, MAYNOT BE SAYING THAT WHEN PROCEDINGS START THIS WEEK, BUT FOR NOW INFACT SINCE I LEFTY EX I TELL MYSELF I LOVE MYSELF DAILY,THIS WHOLE TWO YEARS HAS BEEN BAOUT RECOVERING AND REDISCOVERING MYSELF. YOUR MUM LIKE ME WE ALWAYS THINK ABOUT OUR KIDS BUT DONT FORGET YOURSSELF IN PROCESS,

[Eve1]

I think I’ve suffered hugely from this attitude and probably in quite a major way even before I was married. I think it’s what’s led me to not being able to have any financial security even. I still think I need to work on it, but I’m stunned when I look back and see how little I thought i was worth.

You most certainly are entitled, Serenity.

Eve
X

[Serenity]

Thanks all!

It was good reading all your responses?

Sun tree, thanks for your detailed response, Eve- thank you, and Positive and also Confused x

[Nova]

Hi
I am feeling that vibe…it’s tough to break through it sometimes…like simple things, he bought cheap food, for me, & denied me basic things I’m used too like driving a car, or going dancing ..general stuff I do to make me happy …I’m kind of out of the loop of a lot of those things…am isolated. He excluded me from friends & family members…I’ve got a lot of work to do…to feel myself!

Hugs x

[Author]

Posts