1st August 2020 at 4:59 pm #111391SweetDispositionParticipant
I’ve done a lot for myself since leaving him, but at the same time I still feel like I have to shrink myself out of fear that I’ll be abused again. I don’t go out, I don’t meet new people, I avoid answering invitations out – I stick to what I know. I avoid posting anything personal of social media for fear it’ll get back to him. Its weird, this feels safe but it can also feel lonely and it feels like I’m restaining myself too. I want to celebrate achievements but then I get afraid then any happiness will be ended. Not sure how to break down these barriers. I dont even post photos of my kids anymore as he would tell me to take them down, and i got sick of it
3rd August 2020 at 9:51 am #111497LisaMain Moderator
I just wanted to show you some support. It’s understandable for you to feel like this and it’s hard to move forward after leaving.
If you haven’t already, you could start with some support groups and meeting other women in a similar situation to you, you could see if your local service are running any https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
I know it’s easier said then done but maybe you could sign yourself up for a new hobby too.
3rd August 2020 at 1:09 pm #111507LostforeverParticipant
I’ve been out a while and all I can say to you is that it takes time. You just get so used to living your life around someone else’s wants that you forget who you are and what you want.
I had a small number of friends who have supported me, despite his attempts to remove everyone and everything else from my life. I couldn’t have done it without them and they were more supportive than I could ever imagined. If you have even a single friend you trust, talk to them. And keep posting on here; it really helps.
3rd August 2020 at 6:19 pm #111519CamelParticipant
I’d been out for a good while. But I clearly remember feeling sick, convinced I’d just spotted him in the area. This was a number of years after we parted. You’d have thought I’d moved past that wouldn’t you? The reality is that recovery doesn’t work to a timetable.
It’s probably an age thing but I don’t really get why social media is so important. I think reading what a great life everyone else (seems) to be having can make your own life feel pretty small. We used to get by without posting pictures of the kids or where we’ve been. Not posting doesn’t mean you don’t exist. If there are photos you want to share of your kids you could email them or print and mail them. Likewise, letting people know of your achievements.
If you feel (almost) ready to accept an invitation, make sure in advance that you won’t be left on the sidelines. Arrange to meet a friend somewhere else and arrive to the event together – it can be daunting to walk in anywhere alone. Have an exit plan – phone number and cash for a taxi, a ready excuse if that makes you more comfortable.
Above all, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve been through a lot x
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