Trying to get away, need help

[Stressedout@]

Hi, please i need advise on how to go about this, I’ve been trying to get away from my abusive husband but no one seems to help everyone that heard everything that he’s been doing to me said you’ve been abuse there’s help out there for you, I posted On this group March and got some advise.
Called (Detail removed by moderator) domestic violence for help but they don’t seems to want to help me, they gave me a refuge centre number to ring because they didn’t have vacancy in their refuge which i did and the lady offered me a place but couldn’t find anyone to sign the ddv concession form for me, so I went beach to (Detail removed by moderator) domestic violence and a lady offered to help with the form, she collected all my information and said that the form was posted by a lawyer that she is waiting for biometric letter after (Detail removed by moderator) I decided to contact the lawyer and she said she did not send it that the lady at domestic violence center supposed to handle it, got in touch with the lady again and she there was an issue and the cane to meet me with form which I signed and dated the she called and said she has emailed it to the home office that she waiting for biometric letter, that was last week Monday.
I read online that If you emailed this letter to the home office it take 1-2day for them to process but till now she hasn’t been in touch with me. Please i need help on what to do, is they anyone i can call or anywhere i can go for help. Thank you

[maddog]

I’m sorry you are going through this, Stressedout. Sometimes things can take what seems forever to churn through and it’s terrible not knowing.

Speak again, if you haven’t already, to the National WA helpline. Leave a message and someone will get back to you. Keep trying. Have you spoken to the police about your situation? They can help too. I hope you resolve this soon some way or another. You are not alone!

[iamme]

Hello stressedout,

It sounds like you’re situation is to do with immigration. I am not familiar with home office problems but have you tried talking to womensaid outreach team. You need to explain everything clearly to them and ask them for the kind of support you need. I have sometimes found when speaking to ppl they tend to be emotionally supportive but aren’t very clear about how to go about doing things the best way and the procedures that have to be followed.

Are you actually in a refuge? Do you have family anywhere that could help you? Have you spoken to your GP? I had the same problem of ppl, professionals saying there was lots of support but I had no idea what kind of support they were offering. Sometimes I felt, people were playing games with me. I couldn’t trust anyone. The only ppl I felt were listening to me was my IDVA and my solicitor.

It’s a confusing and frightening time trying to get out and even afterwards, so please be careful and be strong. Things take time to fall into place, but I’m sure everything will turn out ok.

[Lisa]

Hello @stressedout,

Please phone the helpline for some advice and support. They will be able to help you and hopefully your situation can be resolved quickly.

Kind regards,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Ayanna]

Hi, have you found a place of safety?
Your story reminds me of my own situation a few years ago.
A refuge needs to accept you no matter which immigration status you have.
I experienced racism when I wanted to flee to a refuge.

Have you tried Rights of Women? Use their call back function when it is safe to do so as they are very busy.

You could go to your GP with a bag that contains your most important things and refuse to go home. They can help you get into a refuge. The police will be involved though, if you don’t mind that.

[Stressedout@]

I have manage to get into the refuge now, i have been here for (Detail removed by moderator) weeks now and my ddv concession card that enable me to claim benefut was send to the refuge the 1st of this month but till now one has help to process the benefit and (Detail removed by moderator) because lefal aids is not in place for me. My abuser has put a restraining order. Im lost i dont know what to do (Detail removed by moderator)
Please any advise will help.

[Torquoisedepths]

Hello Stressedout,
How are you getting on? Any progress? I too am in the same situation. I am on a spousal visa and also experiencing domestic violence. I was asked to get a DVD sorted and then make my way to the refuge. All this is soo frustrating and scary. I have been in the country for 2 n a half years and my husband had controlled my every move; so i have been totally dependant on him. Lost all my confidence. Depressed most of the days. With the help of my cousins( who live far away) they managed to get me a lawyers appointment tomorrow. I am scared, nervous etc all emotions running through me (since I have never been out on my own without him).
I was asked by WA to come to the refuge after having the DDV filled. I am worried what happens next?? I have 2 daughter’s from a previous marriage. Feel soo alone and alienated.
If anyone can explain to me what happens next after I get the DDV done. It might help me feeling less anxious in the situation I am in. Will the refuge help sort out my immigration status????
Thank you….

[Torquoisedepths]

DDV*

[Bruisedbutbrave]

Its heart breaking to hear above comments
I myself have been through the whole thing
Getting away from the abuser is the most hardest time and that’s when victim need support esp if you are reliant on the perpetrator for your visa or stay .
I am amazed that perpetrator are managing to get restraining orders .what kind of justice system is it that without a fact finding hearing ,judge is giving away order.i am shocked

Dear stressedout I hope you getting the support you need .please keep posting and updating how you are feeling and if you need any help

I am going through court system myself and with o money and not able to qualify for legal aid I have to present myself in the court as I cant afford a lawyer and barrister and used £10000 and that was only first hearing and without getting any non molestation order .justice system is a complete joke for victims as it stands currently
Even reading several pages of statement,judge only care about child meeting their dad ,no one gives a s**t about what a mother is going through and how hard it is to survive after the abuse
I had days when I wished if I shouldn’t have left .I am a professional with a highly paid job and if this is how I feel I cant imagine what others are going through esp those who are financially dependent and relying on their perpetrator for visa etc

[Lotus20]

Hi Strssedout,

I am really on shocked and sad by what’s happening to you and women like us. So very disappointed that there is no justice in a developed country as they think it is.
I am also an international here and have no one, no money and no access to public fund or legal advice. My abuser surely know this and wanted my situation to be weak, he does not need to do anything these days, he just know how to get onto me by his face and tone or voice, no proof I can provide and no where I can get help. It feels so unfair and so lonely and I only blame myself for staying with him and having a baby with him and now I can not go back or forward. I feel I’m heading towards depression and I know that’s what hi wants.
I wish if we could get help that we need and if there was justice.
Please help.

[Eggshells]

Hi all,

I am so saddened to hear your stories. This is such a difficult time for you all without the added complications of visa’s etc.

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for you except to say that I received really good advice about benefits from Citizens Advice. Citizens Advice is free. They offer short, limited slots so you need to ask for very targeted information. It could be enough to give you a starting point. Just google Citizens Advice in your area and give them a call.

My heart is with you all. Well done for getting as far as you have, you have shown incredible courage. I hope you all manage to find a way forward. xx

[Author]

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