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Hello, I’m nervous about writing this and honestly I don’t know where to start.
I have recently told my partner I want to end the relationship and this time I’m trying to stick to my guns. My partner I now realise is emotionally abusive and I’m starting to be scared that he may also be n**c****t*c. I’m so drained right now I don’t know if I can even explain what he’s doing/has done that makes me feel so low and anxious. Since I told him I want to end things he’s fluctuated between being understanding, admitting he has a problem with anger (which he puts down to a traumatic event in his past) and taken steps to go on a waiting list for therapy. Then he changes and takes it all back, says I am deceitful and unstable and implies or openly threatens that I am a bad mother who shouldn’t be caring for our child. He bad mouths me to our child behind my back and now also
in front of me. I feel like he is turning them against me.
(Detail removed by moderator). I have been miserable for years and talked about leaving several times in the past, but haven’t gone through with it because I knew he would make it as difficult as possible for me. He also can seem so genuinely sorry at times and promises to seek help and that he loves me. Over time I have come to see that that is not true. He is so venomous and cruel at times it has made me suicidal. I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder which he blames my sensitivity on and turns things round so it looks like I am the problem and my mood swings are to blame which confuses me. I feel like I am going to go crazy with it all. I am stable on my meds for nearly (detail removed by moderator) years now. The depression I currently feel is as a direct result of his behaviour and the stress I feel with him being nice one minute and then like he loathes me the next. Sorry this is long. I could go on and on I’m sure you understand. But I don’t feel like anyone will believe me. I don’t know how to get away from him and he won’t leave. I don’t have any proof that this is abuse apart from how miserable I feel. -
My situation was not this complex so practically there mare much better people to advise on here, but calling Woman’s Aid or police (where they will put you through to a person who is trained to deal with domestic abuse) is probably a good first step, where someone can help you make a plan on how to proceed. But let me say this – before I left or reported him I was terrified that no one will believe me, but they did. I thought I would have to explain, convince, provide proof which i largely did not have, but people believed me and stood by me and supported me. You are not a bad mother and it is disgusting that he is blame shifting, trying to make your condition the reason for his abuse. This is NEVER the case, and I hope you can come back to this message when you have a moment of self-doubt and read this again – you cannot make a person abusive, it is all on them. I have mental health issues as so does my sister, her husband is understanding and supportive and my ex was abusive and told me I was being the abuser!! Reach out on here, being so self aware of the fact that he is the problem and that he will not change is an amazing step, and feel proud for yourself for being able to see through his manipulation and through his tactics to keep you as his safety net. Sending hugs xx
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Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time. Please contact your local women’s aid for help and a safety plan. A clean break from him with zero contact is the way forward. Speak to your GP and a solicitor. Ring Rights for Women for free legal advice. My ex acted exactly like yours. It’s called Gaslighting.
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You don’t need proof. You know your depression is due to his behaviour. You don’t have to justify that to anyone. My ex brainwashed our children too. That’s why getting away from his influence is really important. Have a look (website/blog removed by moderator) and Living With the Dominator by Pat Craven book.
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