Trying to stay strong

[IndecisiveGirl]

I’ve finally told him I want to leave and tried to stay strong despite his constant guilt trips/hints of him doing something silly/promises to change etc etc

He’s said it all before multiple times. I wish I’d never come back when I was pregnant, but here I am. I feel stronger and I’m trying to ignore him however guilty and rubbish he makes me feel.

I’m so sick and tired of being called all the names under the sun, being shouted and sworn at in front of my baby. My baby deserves so much more.

[KIP.]

Hi, it’s good that you feel strong enough to break free however it’s the most dangerous time for you. When he feels he’s losing control he can become violent and unpredictable. Please don’t tell him you’re plans to leave. Contact your local women’s aid and make a safe exit plan for your and your child. Yes, your baby also deserves better. Stay safe x these abusers often threaten suicide but that’s not your problem. Get yourself out and safe. Have you considered a refuge until you can get safe and if you need some help x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Yes you are right your baby deserves to see a mum who isn’t been abused and ill treated, she deserves better and yourself deserve better first and foremost. You both deserve to live a life free of abuse and a chance at a happy peaceful life.
Do not utter another word about leaving, abusers are extremely weird and dangerous and will not let their partner go away peacefully and cooperate for a calm reasonable separation/divorce so you’ll have to leave in secret. Call the helpline and contact your family and friends to let them know and make plans to leave and ask for support.
Please be safe, I’ll pray for you&your baby.
Keep posting

[IndecisiveGirl]

I left. I had told him I was because I felt bad and wanted to give him the opportunity to say goodbye to our little boy.
He promised to change again, but I said I couldn’t believe him so he said he’d show me he could, however long it takes. The day I left, he actually contacted a service, but rather than for anger management, I think it’s just for depression – I obviously don’t know what was said.

I really miss him. I thought I didn’t love him anymore because I couldn’t stand to be touched/cuddles/kissed by him because of everything he’s done and I felt bitter towards him. But ofcourse even after everything he’s done, I do still love him.

I’m finding things hard. I send him photos of our baby daily, but he hasn’t messaged me off his own back to ask how we are. I know it sounds silly but I keep checking my phone hoping he has messaged me:/

[Hetty]

Im so sorry you’re hurting. Of course you miss him. There were probably good times but remember they never last. Write down all the c**p he put you through and keep reading it when you’re having doubts. I’ve been in this cycle for years. Nothing changes.
My husband has made so many promises to change. Took medication then slyly came off them, been to counselling. Nothing ever changes. The issues abusers have run deep. I don’t believe anger management works personally. The anger is the tip of the iceberg as far as I’m concerned. Most have ingrained negative views of women. My husband had a horrendous mother. In order for him to change he’d have to give up on his power and face his fragile sense of self which he’s never going to do.
See the whole of the man. Not just the good things. My husband would help an old person cross the street and will feed the homeless but will speak to me like I’m a dog at times. It’s all a mask. Gives with one hand and takes with another.
I really believe zero contact is the best way forward.
Keep posting. You have support here.

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