Trying to take son…again

[Pepsi]

Hi everyone, I’ve not posted on here in a few years but having problems at the moment and wondering if anyone has any advice about dealing with a child who is clearly brainwashed? My son is saying (again) that he wants to live with his dad and I’m not just being selfish and thinking I just want him to stay with me but I’m genuinely concerned that he is showing no emotion about leaving his friends, not going on booked residential trips abroad with school and all of the established activities and networks he has in his home area. He would have to leave all of that and his sister and he just seems to think it’s fine. He does have a very happy life and lovely friends and does really well at school, his dad lives miles away so would involve completely cutting all of that off apart from he has been led to believe that things wouldn’t be much different.

I’m happy to explain more if I’ve just jumped straight in. I’ve been dealing with abuse from him for (detail removed by moderator) years so I’d be here a long time telling my whole story. I’m content that I can deal with abuse towards myself when it occurs but I’m concerned for my sons mental health now although I’m not sure a doctor would recognise this and would really appreciate any advice/conversation about this! I do have a court order it’s more the fact that me putting my foot down is going to push him away but there’s also no way I’m letting him risk ruining his life.

Thank you x

[KIP.]

Not sure what age your son is but could he just be pushing the boundaries with you, like teenagers do. Seeing how far he can go with this subject or using this to manipulate or punish you in some way? I would tell him that the court ordered that he stay with you until he is 16. After that he can make up his own mind. If his father is desperate for him to live with him then there are court procedures he needs to go through? I think the NSPCC have a helpline which might be worth a call. The helpline number on here might have some contacts. It might be worth a visit to your GP. some are bad but I found a great one. Maybe councelling for you both?

[Pepsi]

Thank you for your reply.

Yes he is approaching teens. His dad is giving him a lot of freedom to the point where he is being treated almost as an adult and obviously at that age my son thinks it’s great. He does have freedom here but age appropriate! I don’t think some things he’s being allowed to do are safe personally but perhaps could be seen as parenting style to professionals.

Court proceedings would be required but in the meantime I’m the nasty parent not allowing my son to do what he wants to do and what he’s always really wanted to do (what he’s been told he needs to do to please his father!) since he was old enough to listen!

I just don’t think he thinks for himself or realises that some things he’s being coaxed with are lies. I don’t think he understands how different his life would be or that he basically wouldn’t see me because that’s what his dad’s ultimate goal is and he can use siblings and fun activities to make sure he won’t have chance to come back at weekends.

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