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its been a good day today, I had a councilling appointment this morning. I’ve been referred for some CBT, hope nothing i told the person flagged up too many concerns though. as i had felt suicidal just before i walked away from the ex. im feeling alot more free and productive now.
and i’ve succeeded in getting the joint account closed! the bank called him on his phone for authorisation!! after i told them i’m not allowed any contact whatsoever after they asked me to write him a letter on their headed paper. i said to them i cant do that! im not allowed any contact.
anyhow this morning the account was gone! yipee!!! i feel like it was a huge achievement! don’t know why but it does! even though i had to call all of the direct debit companies up and change the bank details because the bank couldn’t auto transfer them back. for some reason despite being on hold to these companies it felt good to talk pleasantly to them and just talk to people in general about normal things! -
Go girl! Severing feels good hey! And taking charge of your life.
If you said anything in your session that flagged up a concern the counsellor would have discussed that with you there and then. We all feel suicidal sometimes, feeling and actually doing it are two totally different things – the health professionals are trained to identify what is emotion and what is intent.
Keep on moving KMF! xx
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Thankyou for clarifying that Fizzylem, I was worried i’d set off more red flags for social services. but honestly the difference they’ve seen in me themselves since the start of their involvement; they’ve found it positive and they’ve told me so.
I’ve not considered it as severing ties, but i guess it is. burning bridges, and letting go i guess all describe the same process.
it sounded odd when i tried to explain to my mum earlier that it felt good just to do something that felt normal and that was my choice and decision to do. it energised me, made me feel good.
i really had not realised just how much he dragged me down and wore me out! -
Hi Keep Moving Forward,
What a lovely, positive post.
I am so glad you had a positive experience with the bank. I know what you mean about almost enjoying the experience of communicating with official people: my ex tried to infantilise me and monopolised all the official stuff, because he wanted to be in control and keep me beneath him, like an obedient child. Or he wanted to make the shakiest deals possible, knowing I wouldn’t approve! I didn’t know anything about complex finances when he left. It was lovely to speak to supportive organisations on my own and receive support- and also to be spoken to politely! A novel experience! I was being treated like a human being! And an adult!
Most organisations are supportive, once you explain your situation.
Not all banks are so supportive, so it’s great to know you had this e oerience. Though I had an injunction against my ex, my bank told me going into the bank with him was the only way of closing it! I had to pay my solicitor to deal with them. Eventually, I could deal with it by headed letter like you, but only after a fight.
It has recently been in the media how banks need to be more supportive of abuse. There is a MP who recently highlighted this. As far as I know, there is only one high street bank that has a written policy on domestic abuse support. It’s something that needs developing.
Don’t worry about setting off red flags with SS. I was in a bad way when his abuse was at its height, but it was seen as positive that I had reached out for support.
The more you do independently, the more free you will feel! I’ve recently retired to negotiate a mortgage deal, etc- things I could never have imagined doing before, because he wanted me to believe that I was incapable.
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