Unable to socialize

[Ayanna]

A friend from the past invited me to come over. It would have been a big event of hers with lots of people whom I know.
At first I accepted and was glad she remembered me. Then I canceled last minute. I felt unable to face so many people and was terrified by the thought that I had to speak to them.

[KIP.]

I have this too. I think it’s because he used to humiliate me in public and totally ruined my self confidence. Don’t be hard on yourself. Try to go next time with an excuse to leave early x x

[Whathaveidone]

same here. Its only early days for me but I havent left the house for a number of days because I’m still scared. I worry I won’t be able to socialise again – I haven’t made new friends since I was with the abuser which was many years ago.

[Copperflame]

I felt the same when I first left my abuser to come to refuge. In the beginning I couldn’t face talking to anyone and hid away in my room. I had become so isolated as a result of the abuse and felt as if I’d lost the art of socialising. Gradually however I started talking to the other ladies in refuge and realised that a lot of my isolation had been self imposed. I’ve been out of refuge for several months now and have got better at socialising in small groups, but even now I don’t think I could cope with a large social gathering.

I think your feelings are normal after being in an abusive relationship. Maybe you could start small by maybe meeting one person for coffee, which would not feel so overwhelming?

Big hugs to you
Copperflame xx

[Ayanna]

Thank you, Copperflame. Yes, I try this. I met a colleague at work who also suffered abuse in childhood and later in a relationship. She is about the same age like me. We agreed to meet up soon in private. Both of us have the same issue, therefore meeting is a slight problem. But I think we will get there eventually. We already compare when we are off work.
Small progress for both of us … One day we will meet up …

[Ayanna]

KIP, he did the worst things to me in public and people watched. I cannot believe, that nobody ever interfered. Often I was looked at as if I was the culprit. It was dehumanizing.

Whathaveidone, I hope you get support with counseling soon. Maybe that friend whom you contacted can visit you?

[Serenity]

Ayanna,

Why not just try to keep to small groups for now? Too big a gathering can be overwhelming.

I went to my meditation class the other day. It was in someone’s lounge and there were only 4 other people there. We had jasmine tea and I left feeling so calm.

Give me that kind of gathering any day rather than a noisy party or large meeting at a crowded venue. The latter is enough to trigger my PTSD!

[Author]

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