Unclear again

[Plodding]

I thought I knew what I wanted which was to end the marriage. After a (detail removed by Moderator) hour conversation of lots of honesty I am back to square one again thinking is it all manipulative or is it genuine or both . Still do not know what to believe . I was given more acknowledgment and taking some responsibility and remorse (there were appologies ) which hasn’t been there when we have spoken before and I would get lots more turned around into me . There was lots of sadness combing from him and saying how much he loves me . He even admitted to struggling with lack of empathy. However amongst all these positives there was still things that he said I have said in ways I would not have said them, there was still stories that had been changed, saying he walks on eggshells around me, he can’t have an opinion, he thinks I live in some perfect bubble where no one falls out, I apparently go into some kind of mood that lasts for days and then keep bringing the same issues up almost sounding as though he is describing the cycle of abuse and not getting it quite right ! Apparently feeling as though he can’t say anything to me through fear of the repercussions yet these are all the things I feel about him ( I know this projecting ?) the heart felt stuff and compassion seemed so genuine it’s left me more in a head spin than before . If it wasn’t for us isolating I had been thinking I was going suggest we call it a day but could not as I can’t physically leave atm so felt like I was drawn back in again . He completely denied doing anything intentional or wanting to hurt or upset me . Everything Iv learned so far over the last year feels undone again , re it all being deliberate and all to undermine me and all about power and control . I start believe To think he maybe realising that his behaviour is wrong but he isn’t admitting it . He suggested that each time something happens or he says that I’m unhappy with I should tell him at the time . The last time he suggested that and I did it , he went off in one of his major over reactions and ranting moments which sends me to feeling horrrndous . Thank you for reading I would appreciate anything anyone has may have to suggest x

[Chocolatebunnie]

Hello plodding

Reading this it could be me writing this.

As you say, you appear to know what he is doing, he’s trying to get into your head by saying the things you want to hear, tugging at your heart string and projecting his actions upon you.

He knows it will work, or hopes and will try all the tricks in the book to keep you where you are. He does not want to loose control of you.

I recommend as soon as isolation ends you get some support to help clear your head and plan an exit where he cannot get to you and manipulate you.

I know it’s not easy, I’m where you are too planning to be free again and wanting it to end to be happy.

Stay strong, safe and remember you are not a abuser, you will solve this, huge hugs x*x

[nbumblebee]

This is hard as none of us are there living your life with you but OMG i know that doubt i know that feeling of oh i made it up i over think he said he was joking he said it was fun he said i love it Ive said all that still am.
Know what i often do? I read back my posts on here. The ones where ive had to sit in my car or lock myself in the loo because ive been so scared the ones where i say how i cant go on, read your posts do you now still doubt do you know still believe yourself? You have come such along way you have strength within you, you know what you want to do is leave do not let doubt take any of that away. X*x

[Bananaboat]

This!! I go from 100% certain I’m leaving to ‘is he that bad’, ‘could I cope’ back to what was I thinking get me out of here. It’s so hard isn’t it. NBumblebee’s is perfect, reminding yourself of what you’ve lived with/been through helps a lot. A post on here the other day really hit home with me and it said people leave relationships every day for many reasons, and they just go, whereas in our world we feel like we have to justify it, worry about the other person etc and I thought that’s so true, if I want out I should just want out and ‘be allowed’ to go. Isolation will end, don’t let that be a reason not to do what’s right for you and remember he’ll say & do anything he needs to to hook you back in but fundamentally will never change, look at his actions not words x

[searchingforhope]

Hi Plodding

It’s like reading my life, exactly, word for word.
Hope your isolation has ended, stay strong, you can do it.
You deserve better.

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