Unfair

[Bettertimesahead]

Struggling today. Trying to sort out our house, I’m in it ,he’s not and hasn’t been for a long time. I have a restraining order. But it looks like I’m going to have to sell , buy something , go from no mortgage to a big mortgage, already increased my hours at work whereas I could be retiring. It just feels unfair, whatever he gets will likely go on drink, he lost his business through his own fault yet I end up being the one struggling.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Bettertimesahead

Sorry you’re struggling, thats tough after having suffered the abuse to continue to be struggling with things after also.

Could you let a room to raise some more income, I’m pretty sure theres still tax relief on a room let in your home. Why do you have to sell, is it to settle with your ex? As this will bring you capital from your share of it, when you have no mortgage on it?

Have you spoken to the financial adice agencies? Those like Step-Change Financial options? or Money Helper?

You could get some free financial advice to make sure you know all your options before taking such a huge step? He won’t be able to hang onto any money if he’s alcoholic, and him having money will be the worst possible thing for him, like you say, he’ll just drink it all.

I know you can’t post too much detail, but there’s hopefully some options for you whether you sell or not.

warmest wishes

ts

[Marmalade]

Sorry to hear this Bettertimesahead. I know we can’t talk about specific court cases so I’ll speak generally. I suspect you know all of this as your solicitor will know far more than me.
It can feel very harsh after abuse but the starting point in divorce after a long marriage is 50/50. The matrimonial home is particularly vexed as courts can generally say it is such an important asset that it is 50/50 even when contributions have been very unequal.
Sadly it doesn’t generally matter what someone does with the money they get. If they are entitled to it then they can choose to buy a property, go on holidays, gamble or drink it away. If there was any way of changing that then your solicitor would advise you. It must be so incredibly frustrating to see all your hard earned money being wasted in this way. So focus on yourself and your future. This is your new start. New home with no memories of him, new life. Your future is now what you make of it. Concentrate on you and give yourself lots of care.
Best of luck with it all.

[Camel]

It probably is unfair but you’re obviously resourceful, valued at work and will come through this better than he will. Your priority should be to safeguard your assets. Consider pensions, marital debt and so on. Once you’ve sold the house don’t feel you need to rush into getting a mortgage. Maybe rent somewhere for a while and take a breath. Get some good financial advice on how best to manage any equity.

[Author]

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