Unsure how I got here. help please?

[Imonlyhumaan]

Hello,

Just joined and I need some advice. I have been experiencing domestic abuse in many forms cohesive control, hiding my phone, isolation, unable to look at any males on tv, street or pictures as he thinks i fancy them, physical abuse in arguments. Recently the physical abuse hasn’t got too bad but the scars and mental scars remain.

I don’t go out much as when we go out for walks its him thinking I am looking at men in cars, in homes or walking 🙁
which causes arguments.

I have secretly got in touch with a family member to help aid me in leaving when he sleep. when it gets to night time when he sleeps i get scared.

I neeed some help to help me free

[Lisa]

Hi Imonlyhumaan,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

There are also local domestic abuse services available offering ongoing emotional and practical support including helping you put a safety plan in place. You can contact your local service via this link: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, I can feel your sadness and despair… Womans Aid can help you… I also emailed my citizens advice bureau who helped sign post me to various DA help in my area. If you feel you could speak to a GP I would advise that as well… remember that non of this is your fault, feeling afraid of your partner will damage you mentally and physically (in my case it affected me both mentally and physically although I am on the road to recovery now.as over a year out)
Keep strong, do not discuss leaving him with him, start slowly finding out what is best for you
HFH ❤️

[Imonlyhumaan]

Hello HFH,

thank you for your message i will try the emailing the citizens advice soon.

i just feel like when we have arguments i feel like a coward as i just don’t go fine i will go. But im scared like he gets a temper and then apologises and says hurtful things but also physical. i have scars mental and physical.
then its like im saying sorry because he is overreacting and starting s**t on silly things..

each day i say to my self im going to leave when he is sleep as that is the only feasible option so i can get my bits and leave but i get scared.

I just need some su[pport and encouragement to actually carry out my plans

[Hereforhelp]

And you are right to reach out my lovely as leaving is the most dangerous time… Womams Aid can help you with a confidential, supported planned safety leaving plan if you wanted to explore that.as an option?

If you go to your sisters would he guess and turn up (I don’t mean for you to answer) as if he did please call the police. You have a basic human right to be safe and live abuse free

You are not a coward, to be surviving dv and da, you are stronger than you realise…. you are trying to appease him as you are afraid of him… with good reason to be afraid. Maybe keep a journal, it really helped me, I would write just a few words about whatever he had done that day or sometimes an essay but it has helped keep me strong.

Big hugs HFH ❤️
Please keep us posted x
Your

[Imonlyhumaan]

Awww thank you and i have spoke to someone on live chat and they said I should leave when sleep or out and contact if need of refuge.

he dont know where my sister lives

thank you for that – helped me and unable to write anything as he will see

i will do

big hugs <3

[Watersprite]

You are making huge steps in reaching out here and on live chat and are getting a plan and support in place. You deserve so much better keep safe leaving us the most dangerous time. There is life the other side once you have escaped go no contact and read up on trauma bonds it explains everything. You deserve a life and freedom it’s scary step but staying out is so often worse. They don’t change. Take care x

[Imonlyhumaan]

I am it has taken me a while and I am scared doing so but stronger every day. I have just been said that to leave while he is sleep and go somewhere safe whether be refuge or family member. I will be going no contact but i will definately be reading that and it is worse as it seems more severe then calms down then anything can trigger. thanks xx

[Author]

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