Unsure how to be

[Bambe]

Hi everyone
Going through a divorce but only a couple months In, long road ahead.

Last couple of months have been awful. Harassment, stalking, name calling, intimidating, belittling and now love bombing.

A (detail removed by moderator) ago he asked for a kiss which led to more which I regret so bad- as since then he is fighting for the relationship more than ever. Telling me I’m everything that he wants and treating me as though we are a couple. I’ve told him I’m still going through with the divorce and it’s the right thing. he keeps telling me he loves me, kissing me etc. I know I need to be firmer and set boundaries but I find it so hard and when I do find the courage he doesn’t listen to my feelings and carries on going about it how he wants cause ‘(detail removed by moderator)’.

We have young children which are finding the changes confusing. We’re in separate rooms and he’ll ask in front of our children (detail removed by moderator) with me. Although I refuse he still pushes and tries to catch me alone. When I make an excuse to do something he tells me ‘I know you want too’ I’ve said no I don’t. I get awkward and don’t want to be too stern to cause him to react. So sometimes I find myself going along with it, it seems to be easier until I realise this isn’t what I want so what am I doing.

I’m really blaming myself at the minute as hell say he’s changed and that he has forgiven ME for what I’ve done and I need to let go off the past.

I’m getting divorced? How on earth does he feel he can continue to tell me he loves me and kiss me goodbye? Why can’t I just say no? Why do I feel I have to go along with it.

My poor children have had him be Disney dad for a month or so to all his energy shifted back onto me.

So much going on in my mind. I have a great support group but needed to vent, I’ve not spoken to my case worker who normally helps clear my mind. Sorry for the long post.. as per lol.

Hope you’re all ok. Thank you for reading x x

[Lisa]

Hello Bambe,

I’m really sorry to hear that you are still living in the same environment with your ex-partner, his behaviour sounds very coercive and manipulative – it is considered sexual harassment when someone repeatedly attempts to pressure someone for intimacy and this is not acceptable behaviour, from a partner, ex-partner or anyone else.

It may be worth considering any options you may have in regards to living separately? An occupation order could remove him, alternatively you might want to consider refuge or other alternative housing for you and the children. However I understand this is often easier said than done.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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