Unusual or typical?

[Galnextdoor]

Hi ladies,
I hope you are well!

I have a question about behaviour as it doesn’t seem to fit what I’m being told and I’m curious more than anything.

It’s been approx (detail removed by moderator) since I left and we last had contact (detail removed by moderator) (collection of things etc). During our last contact, he seemed to be reasonably nice. A bit touchy feely and kept reminding me how he loved me, but that he knew this was for the best. During the talk he was still showing signs of “fakeness” but mostly seemed genuine.

I’ve heard nothing since.

Whilst I’m relieved and happy about this, I just wondered if anyone else had experienced it? I’ve heard it’s more typical for them to stalk/get angry/bad mouth etc, but so far not a blip?

Whilst I’m so grateful….it has left me curious. Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[KIP.]

I got everything. I know how you’re trying to work things out but your one and only concern at the moment is to go total zero contact. The times my ex was being reasonable was when he was getting his own way, upto something or had another woman servicing his needs. I now know if he had not been arrested and I’d left he probably would have moved a new woman into our home. Block him on everything. Delete him from your life altogether and don’t give him the chance to play his mind games x

[resilient]

Hi galnextdoor
An ex of mine would do similar with me.they are disrespecting you and frankly, being confusing. they are claiming to love you, yet your relationship has ended and they believe they are entitled to be touchy feely. It is all mixed signals and tenterhooks.
Wishing you the best

[Yellowflower]

It is a typical abusers response. Since I left for good my ex has totally ignored I exist mainly I think because I’m the one to usually feel bad and go running back for forgiveness for something I don’t even know what I’m apologising for! By telling you he loves you his planting the seed that he is the loving person you want but his shown you his true colours now. My ex tried every tactic before I left…crying, angry, degrading me making me feel no one would ever want me. It’s all tactics please stay strong don’t let him get into your head. You’ve come so far already xx

[Galnextdoor]

Oh I am no contact now and that’s never going to change. I just wondered if others had experienced the same. I’d tried to do research before I left so I could prepare myself mainly, but nothing.

I’m taking that as a compliment!

[Moonbeam]

Yeah I experienced this too. My last contact was as I left and he kept saying hell have memories he’ll keep forever and how much he loved me blah blah blah. I reckon it was all to get a reaction from me because during the breakup I was the calm one. Him screaming and clawing at furniture didn’t work so he went for sympathy.

Haven’t heard anything since.

I reckon it’s hair final attempt at some control to make us think about them honestly.

[Galnextdoor]

Thanks all for your replies. I’m not sure if I’ve spoken too soon.
Please help me as today I’ve been a wreck and I can’t really articulate why, but two incidences have happened and I need some clarity. I feel like I’m going insane now.

So the first that happened was that some close people of my abuser – who I believed I got on well with, actually visited a place that I introduced them to. This doesn’t sound like much however, at the time I introduced them, they made comments how they were happy to leave as they weren’t impressed with the place. Now I can see that they have been and have declared how much they love it in a way that they would know that I would find out.

The second is that I have now spotted a close relative of the abuser driving by the house. I live in a busy area, so again this might seem an acceptable thing to do, except that I also know from personal knowledge that there would be no logical reason to pass by me as it is all residential. They also did this at a time they knew I would have been around.

Is this me? Am I over-reacting?

[Camel]

Hi Galnextdoor,

Has anything else happened since the things you mentioned last week?

Abusers persuade us to doubt ourselves. If they didn’t, we’d never stay long. It’s not at all unusual to feel paranoid and suspicious after leaving an abuser. You’ll be wondering which friends are genuine and who can be trusted. You’ll probably be working out what you’ll do or say if you bump into him or he contacts you.

You’re not over-reacting. But you do need to react. If you think so-called friends are posting things to make you feel bad, hide them, delete them, ignore them. If you think you are being stalked take immediate action. Don’t confront anyone or ask them to explain their behaviour.

I think paranoia and suspicion is good right now. You have to start re-building trust in your own feelings. It’s not easy but it will put you in control. Hopefully you’ll find your fears are unfounded but in the meantime no one will blame you for feeling on edge. Take all steps necessary to keep safe and be happy.

[Author]

Posts