Up and down days

[Complicated]

Wondering if anyone can relate or offer any words of advice… or encouragement or something?

I’ve been feeling pretty low about the whole situation, just a few down days where I’ve thought about getting back in contact. I know it’s not going to help with anything at this point… but the heart doesn’t listen to that logic!

I heard from him a few days ago, it came across he still didn’t understand what I’ve said and was just heartbroken about me leaving. Etc etc etc. The normal guilt tripping kind of thing…

I then heard he’s been to ‘see’ the girl he cheated on me with… I can’t believe I was feeling so sad and guilty and then find out about that! Just feeling very mixed feelings, between sheer disbelief he can say he’s so upset and yet has been out doing things with someone else. Feeling a bit emotionally messed up about it…

Hope you’re all doing ok and thank you for reading xx

[Risingup]

I just wanted to offer some support. I haven’t left my abuser but in the process of planning an exit. This journey is complicated and the range of emotions that we feel is all part of the abuse pattern. The manipulation that they use is what confuses us and forms this ‘fog’. I have been cheated on many times in this relationship. I was gaslighted so many times I started to gaslight myself and make the excuses. It was only the last time he cheated plus all the emotional, verbal stuff has made me 100% sure I want out. I am also aware once I leave I too will still have to deal with the manipulation and the lies.
I find writing in a journal helps, then when he starts being super ‘nice’ etc. I just look over it again and I know that it’s all rubbish.
Sorry I can’t offer much advice. Just wanted you to know how far you have come and you are an inspiration xx

[Complicated]

Thank you so much for replying Risingup – it’s amazing how much it means to hear from someone else who understands xx

My abuser has a very specific set of traits that he follows, and yet is scarily unpredictable. My friends and family who are supporting me at the moment will not let me risk going back to collect my remaining belongings without someone with me. I don’t know what yours is like but please, please stay safe. Even if it’s only been non physical abuse so far, now I’ve left it feels more likely he’ll go further across the line. I don’t know if we’re lulled into a bit of a false sense of security despite knowing it’s awful, I know I’ve been shocked at some of his actions since I left.

If you need anyone to talk to about getting out, just message me 🙂

I’ve felt nothing like an inspiration recently so thank you so much for saying that. Part of the process seems to be the guilt and feeling like a failure for letting things get so bad. I wish you all the best and hope you can get out of your situation soon too – there is a light at the end of the tunnel xx

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