8th January 2022 at 9:58 pm #136733TryingtomoveonsafeParticipant
So today I’ve clearly had to much free time on my hands, I’ve spent the day in bed pondering whether all the things he did/said was real, was I just overreacting and I overthinking it all, I thought I was doing so well, I posted only a few days ago saying how great I feel, and today I’ve crashed, I hate the fact I just can’t accept he was emotionally abusive to me, I think because I snapped and caused the breakup and things ended so badly, I feel responsible and everyone is angry at me for snapping, I’m not an angry person, I’m a very honest person and will stand up for myself, but this time I lost control.
What person makes fun out of someone’s mental health, calls them nasty names but joking about it, who ignored calls/texts for days and then pretends nothing has happened and I’m just overreacting, who says to partner (detail removed by moderator) and get some sort of kick out of it!
I’m so confused please help
9th January 2022 at 7:03 am #136739DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful Angel… Tryingtomoveonsafe,
We all need a day in bed sometimes so please don’t be so hard on yourself!
How you acted in your situation was how you were feeling at the time, when we are in an abusive relationship we feel like caged animals and just want to break out … you ‘snapping’ was just a reaction to this
Don’t blame yourself that was the old you and the new you wouldn’t have even got into that situation now so believe in yourself and that you did the right thing at the right time
Know that being in any situation where you feel like ‘snapping’ clearly is not a right situation for you to be in, so you did the right thing in the best way you knew how at the time
You said it yourself … who says things like this… this is not how a kind loving person behaves and not a person you want to be around… so have some trust in yourself that you did the right thing
Have you done some research on trauma bonding? This may help you to move forward too … it feels like an absolute shattered heart but its not and once you understand that it is so much easier to move through
Try writing you feelings down, this helps to unravels things to, or atleast gets them out your head … you have to feel to heel
Remember you will have ups & downs, that’s life … ebs and flows … sun & rain
Once you start to get stronger these days will get easier so make sure you are doing self care on a daily basis … it has to start with self love
Sending you continued love and support
9th January 2022 at 7:15 am #136740KIP.Participant
Abusers destroy our mental health. They are parasites. I’m glad you found your breaking point now because he was only going to make you much more ill with his behaviour. You will slowly discover your mental health improves vastly but first there’s a withdrawal period from a trauma bond that will feel like breaking a drug habit. You’ve been abused, brainwashed, programmed. Had your self esteem and confidence destroyed. Gaslighted. That’s going to take time to recover from but you will do. Zero contact is most important. What you describe is emotional abuse and for me that was so much worse than the physical abuse. Have you spoken to your GP and sought counselling? Weekends and night times were terrible for me in the beginning. Whoever is angry with you doesn’t understand domestic abuse. Look for understanding supporting people at this time. The others will drag you backwards. You don’t own an explanation to anyone.
9th January 2022 at 10:10 am #136744AurielParticipant
Who says and does those things? = an abuser. There’s no way of getting around this unless your still in the fog, self blaming or giving him the benefit , you’ve been gaslighted and blameswitched and those “jokes” are evil passive aggressive statements made to evade responsibility and and leave you feeling confused and guilted for justified anger, recovery comes in waves you may feel ok one day then feel like your breaking the next, you’ve been trauma bonded and your brain chemicals and cortisol have been high jacked from the abuse, strong possibility you’ve got p.t.s.d, speak to your g.p preferably a lady (if your ready to talk to someone) I found mine to be really understanding, it takes a while and you will second guess yourself but you’ve definitely been verbally and emotionally abused no question take care 💗💞💗
9th January 2022 at 10:34 am #136746nbumblebeeParticipant
The confusion is incredabke isnt it?
Yesterday my husband shouted at me as my (detail removed by moderator) he told me that i was disrepecful and that i need to give up my job which gives me great pleasure and start to look after our s******e of a house cause its disgusting i am apprently selfish and not being a good wife and mother due to wanting to work.
Then less than 10mins later he was rubbing my leg wanting hugs and love. Its mind blowing what they do its no wonder you are confused. But you need to try and not doubt yourself you know somewhere deep down its abuse you know that and now you need to truely believe it trust yourself and when you are ready reach out and gain the support that you need to heal from what he has put you through.
But never doubt sweetie never doubt xxxxxxx
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