Upset by police

[shine bright 2]

I am really upset and I don’t know if I should be. (detail removed by moderator). So Police talked to be about this. Basicallt9I poured my heart out in an email about why it all matters so much to me. Really bared my soul…because he had always listened before. Got an email saying just forget it all (detail removed by moderator) neither8eta of us needs to worry about it. But I do worry I worry every day. I just felt.like it was so uncaring. That he cod.have just said I understand. I feel really upset that someone who is supposed to be On my side would really the like that. I have trusted them and lost so.much through this (detail removed by moderator). It’s plunged me back to where I was…desperate to self harm. Is it me? Am I too sensitive? Not.felt this bad in a long long time.

[KIP.]

Hey there. It’s hard to understand emails and the written word, it can easily be misinterpreted. Take 24 hours to calm down and gather your thoughts. Then you can calmly phone to express your concerns. I took things very personally too, I think as victims we grasp onto people who help us. I definitely expected too much. I was very very sensitive. They have many many cases and are often overworked. Take some deep breaths. Write down the points you want addressed tomorrow x

[shine bright 2]

Thanks KIP….sound advise as always. Feel a little better already. Sometimes when I feel really sad I panic that I am going to go backwards. I’m not sure why I felt so emotional. I know that’s not really the job of the police. It’s hard when u get round know them over a.long period of time. I think.u r right…u end expecting way too much. But sometimes I don’t have another adult to talk to for days. Off for part of school hole which is also very lonely now I don’t have family around. B****y hell this forum is a lifeline and the people who write too

[KIP.]

Hey, give yourself credit for getting this far lol. You’re doing great. Don’t put extra pressure on yourself. Let them take the strain. School holiday madness too. 😎

[Ayanna]

Do you have counseling?
The police detectives have a massive case load and he might have been tired and exhausted and not in the right mind frame to respond well to your email.
You need counseling to look at every aspect of your ordeal with someone who knows how to support you emotionally.
Do not give up and keep fighting.
Post here frequently.
Big hugs!

[shine bright 2]

Feel so so sad. I know it’s not his job. The thing is he came to my house on a day when I had decided I didn’t want to carry on any more. He effectively save my life. Now I feel a bit rejected….I shouldn’t he’s probably trying to maintain a professional distance. I feel stupid and lonely. I miss my ex and I wish he wasn’t in prison.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Shine Bright,

Sorry to hear how low you are feeling. Please do not self harm, and if you are tempted then ring up the Samaritans, and book in with your local GP for an emergency appointment as it sounds like you are understandably very depressed. It sounds like you were looking for the emotional support from the police and feel sad when it wasn’t provided, like the others said probably because they simply can’t provide it for everyone as they are so busy.

It’s good you’re writing on here, everyone understands what its like. It’s normal to miss our exes despite what they did, because we got addicted to them, and they trained us to become dependent on them. But you have a great opportunity now that he’s in prison to heal and move on. Do you have any good local friends? It would be good to be around some kind, caring people. Failing that, you have yourself, and you need to be your best friend. Really focus on looking after yourself, your self care, and making your life how you want it to be. I find journaling really helps, walks, painting my nails, making myself nice food, exercise, good films, books. Then in time as you heal good friends will turn up and a new, happier life.

Sending you a big hug, it’s very hard but you will be ok. 🙂

[shine bright 2]

I can feel myself falling apart again.

[KIP.]

Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Take another deep breath and smell that freedom. You don’t miss your ex. You miss the person he prenteded to be to keep you trapped. To abuse you when he felt like it. The real him deserves to be in prison. I wish my ex was in prison. He still comes to the bottom of the street where I live and terrorises me and there is nothing I can do but look at moving away. They play with our heads. You’ve just had an emotional blip brought on by the attitude of the police officer. It’s not personal. You’re getting stronger every day. A true inspiration for your children x

[Ayanna]

Are you sure you miss the ex or something that you desired, such as an understanding caring man, who he never was?
Is there anything you can do to distract yourself?
Can you go to the Freedom Programme?
If the time is difficult, have you tried Mind?
They do evenings.
You need a referral from your GP.
They are not always counselors, also social workers, but very experienced. Maybe you could look into seeing someone there once a week for an hour to talk? They are really good, very dedicated and supportive.

[shine bright 2]

Oh Ayanna.. you hit the nails on the head. I just want someone to care….so lonely. To be honest that’s why I felt a connection to this policeman. Must be.like twenty years older, but kind and nice. I’ve literally no experience of other men as married so young. Feel like an idiot because I feel hurt. Stupid. Need to talk to someone who cares. I am not gonna be able to get through without making myself feel pain.

[shine bright 2]

Need these feelings to go away.

[Daisy]

Shine bright, please don’t feel like an idiot,
After what you have gone through and after having to open up about what happened despite being so private you are bound to bond with that person that knows all you have gone through.When someone is there just at the right time that would also have a big effect. It’s natural and normal and also normal if you feel let down recently if you weren’t listened to and reassured as you hoped. Don’t take it personally, don’t let it make you feel bad about yourself.
There are many kind and nice men out there, and over time you will notice this too. After being with only your partner from when young, and knowing now what you don’t want to live like, seeing different people it’s all learning, we live and learn as we recover from our abuse and shine bright, you have done really well.
X x x unicorns and rainbows to you

[shine bright 2]

Thanks Daisy. Yes you are right. It’s hard also because they are all a bit different to me. I’ve never spent much time with the opposite sexual let alone someone who’s English. Someone who does things like offering to make tea. All superficial I know but not what I have supervenience of.

This is the first time in a long time I’ve thought just would just like an.man to.five me a.hug. I have explained no.idea how I wud even meet someone. I never even been on a date really. My marriage was sort of arranged although It was because we had got close.
I don’t think I can meet someone. I think it wud be awful because. They.might think I’m OK looking.but then if they saw my body they wud see all the scars and just be disgusted.
I suppose I am upset because this police man knew me a.giod while and knows what I have lost.
You are right I don’t miss.my ex but am.projecting on him some of the qualities I wish he had. In my dreams there is a man who can hold up and hug u without it becoming a sexual assault a.man who.can help.u and be urgent partner. I’m. Just convinced I could meet such a person. I think.i wud attract a certain kids do of man. My ex always told.me.my role was to “pamper” him. That a wife should make sacrifices for a husband. I’m not sure I would know how to behave in a different relationship. Who wud want me.

[KIP.]

Early on in my recovery I began talking to a man who worked behind the till in the supermarket. I go there often and knew his face. He was just pleasant to all his customers but somehow I latched onto him, even saying we should grab a coffee! That was totally out of character for me and I think he made some excuse about being ten years older than me. It’s just that normal friendly behaviour to us is crumbs of affection in an abused state. That leaves us vulnerable. As you recover your confidence you will begin to see the world in a better light. I also used to cry when people were nice to me. I remember bursting into tears in the supermarket queue. I’m just trying to say that our emotions are all over the place for a very long time. I too felt that no one else would ever want me or I would never meet another man. I joined a dating website, which, when you are ready can open the door to some coffee dates and dipping your toe back in the dating pool. There are lots of nice men out there when you’re ready. It’s surprising how many of them lack self esteem too. So take your time and concentrate on the here and now. You will get better. Don’t rush your recovery. It really is all about time for recovery x have a great day and do something nice for yourself. You deserve it 🌷

[Daisy]

Hard, but interesting too because it shows you are noticing and picking up on your thoughts and feeling, instead of them being suppressed whilst under the abuse.
Different , new can be good even if just to think about and imagine. Watching, listening all helps us see comparison and realise what we want and definitely don’t like.Also, in time you will accept the permanent war wounds as part of the past and they will not be such a thing to stop you living your present your way and your latest post proves this point, admiration to you. Once’s it’s out there, what ever the pain or shame or secret are holding inside it loses it’s immense power on us. Tell that ex’s voice in your head, to shut up and he’s wrong and your imagining of a next possible partner sound good qualities to look for when you are ready. Human’s are not meant to be solitary forever although a period of safe, quiet peace inside the door and the wonder of it and the sole charge of the tv remote etc does do wonders for the rebuilding , fixing ourselves job we have to do.
X x x p.s MF’s bio oil , back a while is really worth a shot.

[shine bright 2]

Thanks Daisy. I can kind of see at now why I felt how I did. He was nice to me and I addiction and stopped me doing something good very stupid…in the process he got to know me. You are right it has made me see what I like in a human being and what’s important. So many things are big for me. To talk to a man like that and for him to listen. To sit with a man and feel like it’s OK and safe.

Bio oil is brilliant I’m not sure it makes scars look massively better..but makes them feel better….bit tricky putting green it on your own back though!!

[shine bright 2]

Predictive text…soŕry

[shine bright 2]

(detail removed by Moderator) Do you all think I’m gonna get through what comes next?

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