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I am very upset about the lack of support I had since I wanted to leave the abusive marriage until today.
I get worked up so much about this very often.
I did not choose to be abused.
Now I have health issues and flashbacks, nightmares, PTSD, OCD, …
And all of this is not worth counseling. What is wrong with the NHS?
I think I will sneak into the park now and have a good scream. The foxes will be scared. -
Hi Ayanna
Hope you didn’t scare the foxes to much 😉 I’m so pleased you can keep your sense of humour through this ordeal.
Sometimes the system is an a*s.
No one that hasn’t been in an abusive relationship will ever understand the dynamics of the situation. And the strength needed to break free.
But I can tell with or without support you are a survivor.
Some times I wish I had some of your strength.
FS xx
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Ayanna, you have incredible inner strength that shines through on the forum. I was very badly let down all the way through my journey. From the first time I spoke out to a psycologist about the horrific abuse and he suggested Relate or a trial separation (I had no idea I was suffering domestic abuse). He had no idea either and cost me another (detail removed by moderator) years of hell with my abuser. Right through a justice system that retraumatised me for (detail removed by moderator) months including wrongly telling me (detail removed by moderator) times his bail had been lifted and wrongly writing to tell me he was found not guilty when he was found guilty! The system is full of morons, idiots, ignorant people who simply cannot do their jobs. It is a testimony to all our strength on this forum that we have not only survived our abusers but also a system, criminal and civil and medical that is just not fit for purpose. Stay strong and be proud you can come this far. Give yourself a pat on the back and drop the idiots that don’t understand, don’t waste your breath. If you find a shining light (my WA worker), cling to that till you find the strength to go forward again. Stay strong.
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I some areas Relate offer free sessions for DA victims if your local centre does then you can request I think.
Remember though there may be no choice of counsellor I didn’t like the Relate person at first but actually she really helped me put things in order in my mind. Someone told me once that for counselling to help you need to be ready to be helped and be ready to accept and move forward – I think I get what he meant.
I love the idea of screaming at the foxes I usually head out in the car along country lanes and scream while driving way too fast for safety – fox screaming is safer x*x -
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Ayanna, keep sceaming and keep frightening the foxes, can you do that for me too? This is so funny, you actually make me laugh, I find you a very strong person indeed! Your posts are really helpful. Your style of writing very direct. It feels good!
I scream in the car too, but it hurts my throat, so I go somewhere to drink something hot, I don’t rely on alcoholic drinks, I drive and scream and drink, then I drive back, I stay silent and I eat!
Keep posting! I am loving it!
(I did use a private counsellor, it turned out to be mega expensive at £45 per hour. I stopped after 7 sessions. I went to an Assertiveness course, I am due to go to more courses. I was told by SS I was mental, I was assessed by my own doctor as a normal person…I went through emotions I never thought I would feel. Now I want to simply be calm and quiet, able to smile at my kids without telling them any negative things, I have managed to do this so far, and it works, it makes me feel better. I try to stay positive despite anything. I prefer my own company now when things go wrong because it gives me time and peace to recompose, rather than talk frenetically with a friend, relive what has just upset me etc, and I leave people in peace. That’s a bonus for my friends who don’t necessarily understand me)
And I have started using the Forum again after being in a refuge. We are all here for you, let us be your foxes! But you won’t scare us!
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Thank you Bridget.
None of us is mental.
I carry a lot of anger in me and I have outbursts frequently .
I easily yell at people. When I feel they do ignore me or refuse to take me seriously all hell breaks loose.
For the mental health service rape is something a woman needs to get over with.
They have missed the time when they should have helped me.
I will see what the further development is.
I checked out some private counselors, £65 for 50 min is what I have to pay for the help that I need as it has to be a specialist counselor. I cannot afford this.
My GP wants me to contact them. It seems my complaint had an impact. I will hear tomorrow what they say. Whether they just have the usual excuses … -
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I have been referred for counselling via my local Womans aid group, they have their own counselling service so I’m assuming they are going to be pretty clued up on what I’m going through. It sounds like getting the right kind of counsellor is very important. My ex when he was trying to get me back offered to go to anger counselling and kept asking me to do relationship counselling to show me how to compromise he said. All I ever did was compromise though and I think it could have been quite damaging if he got me there and manipulated the situation. He’s still manipulating me now I’m back in the house without him, left notes and letters and cards for me to find everywhere to have the desired effect. I really do think you need someone that specialises in what you have been through and in my experience GP’s are not the best to know who that is. WA should direct you. Good luck and if screaming helps and keeps foxes away then it’s a win win!:-) x
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I tried WA and asked for help so often, but they said they cannot help me. I have no kids and I do not fit their criteria. I hear this everywhere, that I do not fit the criteria. I think that everybody hates me.
At least I got another appointment at the GP and they have sent the referral to the local counselling service. I will have another telephone assessment and may be they say the same, that they cannot deal with rape cases and severe abuse cases, like the last time. I will see ….
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