Using kids to get information

[Put the kettle on]

How do i handle ex quizzing our child about what I do, where I go, who i see etc. Child is young and doesn’t understand that they’re being used for information. I don’t and won’t pry into what they do there in their time there and leave it to our child what they want to discuss with me or not. Ex uses “friends” too to find out what I’m doing etc but those are easier as i keep to myself.

[KIP.]

I’m not sure there’s much you can do about the quizzing if your child is young apart from limit what your child sees and knows about your movements. When they’re older you could explain but I’m sure your child will tire of being quizzed. It can’t be nice for them to feel like they’re being seen because of what information can be gathered from them.

[Living Warrior]

I had this exact thing happen to my children. They are both old enough to understand that they are being used, ad neither want contact, he is fighting (not very hard) for contact- myself and many of the professionals think its more to drag me through court and torture me more.
so I have sympathy for you, but unfortunetly. Even though, this is seen as emotional abuse on the kids, ( they arent wanted, just a pawn for information about you) there isnt alot you can do, unless you stop contact and risk having to go to court, getting cafcass involved etc etc.
If that where to happen id suggest getting a court order- prohibited steps order- stating the child lives with you and cannot be taken (if he has parental responsibility, he is legally allowed to take the child out of other’s care without warning and not return them) so I would definetly sort that out first before you stop contact.
and a non molestation order to state he cannot harrass or abuse u in any way and must stay away from your home.

as i said, i do not know your full circs, but it is seen as emotional abuse, but it just depends on whether there are other issues surrounding your circumstances atm.
harrassment/stalking. child getting upset by it… at the end of the day, you need to protect the child, if he is just asking about you and the seperation is new, it may just blow over- they sometimes get bored and move on.

but do keep a log of everything, at least then you have a behavior profile and history of abuse if this continues and you seek out the above.

good luck, i hope that helps a little.

[Put the kettle on]

Thank you for your replies.
I feel so much for children being used like this it’s awful

[Author]

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