Using me as a babysitter

[ultimatelyStrong]

So we have an arrangement in place but on a number of occasions he has wanted to change the days as he’s made arrangements that don’t suit having our child. Basically I’m a babysitter. I don’t mind having our child obviously. I would rather her be here than there. But at what point should the long term arrangement change so that I don’t get the text messages asking for help. Obviously he should make sure he doesn’t make plans for anything that will not suit having a toddler around when he has those scheduled days with her. Or if he does then make sure he has suitable child care.

I’m not sure how long to leave it as it is and just make sure I’m free on the days he generally asks me to have her back.

I’d appreciate any advice thank you

[KIP.]

I’m afraid it’s him still messing you around and it will always be this way. Make sure you keep a journal of his behaviour and the times he’s let you down. Do you have a legal contact arrangement in place? I’d start right now by letting him know the arrangements won’t change. Start as you mean to go on. He’s deliberately trying to keep you from getting on with your life. I wonder how he would feel if you did it to him. Not that I’m advising that but just to let you think he wouldn’t tolerate that so why should you. It also messes with the child’s head. How does that make the child feel when the dad doesn’t even turn up. Rejected. Disappointed. A child needs continuity and a routine x

[ultimatelyStrong]

Yeah I agree he’s messing with me. He fought hard for the arrangement that he has so it just baffles me that he wants to give up some contact time already. It hasn’t even been that long. I know him though and it will keep happening over and over. The last thing I want to do is say to him “no I’m not having her back early”. I just couldn’t do it. We have a legal arrangement which I feel would be better changed so that me and my daughter know exactly what’s happening rather than him changing the plan all the time. Although I know he’ll still do it even if the order is changed again so should I even bother???

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