Valentine’s day and holidays anxiety

[SandAndSea]

Hi,

I am really new to this forum.

I got out of an abusive relationship back in (detail removed by moderator). I was harassed and stalked until (detail removed by moderator)

Valentine’s day (detail removed by moderator) and leading up involved a lot of harassment and the police didn’t act until (detail removed by moderator).

In (detail removed by moderator), my ex’s friend tried to contact me. (detail removed by moderator) is my ex’s birthday. I blocked and ignored it.

My ex’s friend tried to contact me again in (detail removed by moderator), it’s new year and coming up to Valentine’s day. Again I ignored it.

No offence is being committed by these acts as there is no evidence to suggest my ex’s friend is acting on his behalf.

I expressed my worries to the police in (detail removed by moderator), that I worry Valentine’s day could be a trigger for my ex to attempt to contact me and harass me. And like I said, it got heavy around Valentine’s day.
I blocked numerous numbers, social media, email and there would always be a way ’round it.

With my ex’s friend persistent attempt to contact me and with Valentine’s day looming, I’m anxious.
Holidays and birthdays make me anxious. I worry that holidays will trigger my ex.
I worry my ex will see valentine’s day cards and balloons in shop windows and start to think of me.
And I don’t know what to think with regards to my ex’s friend contacting me.

The police aren’t very supportive and let my ex off lightly despite the harassment, emotional abuse, breaching a no-contact order numerous times, asking people to contact me on his behalf, find out where I am currently living, search through my social media etc.
Therefore the deterrent just isn’t there.

Anyway, I just wrote this post to say that I’m anxious and it’s growing as Valentine’s day looms.

Can anyone else relate?

Thanks for the replies in advance.

SandAndSea

[Iwantmeback]

Hi SandandSea, welcome to the forum. Is your ex’s friend, a friend of yours to? Or does he take it upon himself to keep up the contact as a go between(these people are known as flying monkeys). If he’s the fm, cut him off before he begins to talk to you, let him know point blank you don’t want to know anything about your ex. Your ex’s for a reason.
There could be anither reason why he’s trying to maintain contact and that’s because he wants to be more than friends. I’ve known a few men over the years who’ve offered to be there for me when I’ve broken up with someone and even a close friend of my ex’s ‘offered’ me sex, as he’d always fancied me and I must be missing it😂 I cut contact with him and his wife all together after that.
Valentine’s day is coming up, it’s nothing we’ve celebrated, did in the beginning. My oh made me believe it’s only another day, we show we love each other all the time, we dont need that day to do so. Not celebrated it in years now. It’s a day that makes me sad, but I can understand how anxious you must be feeling.
If this friend is being used by your ex, then he’s as much a victim in all this too, but this is about you not him. So i think, not allowing him to contact you would be best for you too.
IWMB 💕💕

[SandAndSea]

Hi,

Thanks so much for replying. 🙂

Oh no, I am not involved with my ex’s friend in any way.
She thrives off drama and I know that the police brought up my ex’s friends during one of the incidences. So it does make me question their involvement in the harassment and stalking.
I have no contact with my ex’s friend and I block the social media accounts she creates to contact me.

At the moment, there isn’t anything that I can do in terms of legal action but if it esculates, then I’m going back to the police.

[diymum@1]

its definitely abuse by proxy as IWMB says they use this because its harder to identify because its indirect abuse. these men are sleekit sly dogs. try not to dwell on that specific day, its probably because this triggers you more than anything. these men condition us and make us doubt ourselves, they try to make us think like them, but their thoughts are very delusional. Id take this higher with the police. Have you looked up the harassment and stalking laws? they should have acted, id ask who will take responsibiity of something happens to you. dont be scared to let them know you are extremely fearful of him. xx keep going with this what hes doing is unlawful xx luv diy

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi and welcome SandAndSea
You are doing really well honey. It is good you keep him and his associates under your radar and block any of their attempts to contact you.
That takes a lot of courage and determination, I know how persistent they can be, how angry even, if it’s any comfort they get bored and cool down after a while.
Stand your grounds, know that you are right in holding your position and keep the police’s number on speed dial in case he or anyone harasses you on valentines day.
I would definitely also call women’s aid to ask for advice on what to do. Maybe they can pull in some weight on your side, with domestic abuse professionals, try every door, every alley to bring more support and power on your side.
Wishing you all the best and keep posting

[Iwantmeback]

Sky sleekit dogs, I absolutely love that DIY. I nearly bursts out laughing🤣🤣

IWMB 💕💕

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