- This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 8 months ago by
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I think im starting to use this site as a way of venting some of my frustrations. I think theres only so many times you can ask ‘what should i do…’ i know the answer…you know the answer.
Today i realised im never going to get any peace until i go…and i think thats when the uphill struggle will start.
Ive just had a completely surreal conversation with my childrens father brought on by me challenging him because (removed by moderator)
Such bile and venom. Hatred really from him.
No use me saying to him ‘imagine if none of it were true…’ tried that too many times to count.
Im going to see a solicitor and find out my options as ive got a heavy feeling at the pit of my stomach that things are going to get much worse for me before they get better. -
Hello lost,
Your post actually makes my blood run cold hon.I am now several years out. Didn’t discover this forum til about six months ago – if I think back to where I was before I left – there are some things I wish that someone had said to me then – even though I’m not sure I would have believed it, or even have been ready to here it. But I believe to a certain extent forewarned is forearmed.
I am going to say these things to you now, I hope you don’t mind, if they don’t help, never mind I’m not at all offended, each situation is different. But I’m writing from my gut…
What your (Hopefully soon to be ex partner) is doing is a concerted, deliberate strategy to finish you off, emotionally, physically and financially, as well as every other which way.
As far as I know – there is not yet such a thing as a no fault divorce. I don’t know if you are married, but if you are not, there are similiarities if you know what I mean.
At the moment this may seem like a ridiculous threat. But he is trying to turn your whole family against you. This is his AIM. And his family.
He is also already planning to take your kids away. If he can prove (or not even prove, but just launch a viscious rumour into the world…which is in the end amounting to the same) that you are an irresponsible mother (unfaithful…mentally ill…an alcoholic…et.c ) even though these things may have no basis in fact he will use them as psychological torture against you and if you are not strong and very careful – and draw your boundaries NOW..he seems to be doing his best to prepare the ground to take your kids away from you in future…).
I’m not exaggerating. I’ve seen it all. And survived. But not without scars.
My advice to you is leave as soon as you can WITH YOUR KIDS. Phone WA as soon as you can. This is the most insidious form of domestic emotional abuse…and can only get worse..
stay safe
ftc
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I know. I do appreciate the advice but im having such problems with my son at the moment. Hes really struggling to contain his anger about everything and projects it onto me. I wish id left months ago. I was ready to but i stayed to give it one last chance… stupid.
Now my son sees whats happening but cant process it. Hes only young…but not too young to notice and understand its bad.
Hes started saying he hates me. Im not his mother. My side of the family is all bad….but i know this is all projection because he still want to cuddle etc. Im just terrified of loosing him. He will say he wants to stay with his dad. Hes articulate and very precoisiouce so he dosnt sound brainwashed. But he says thigs that a child wouldnt even think of so i know its not him talking…but family courts would…also if i made him come..hed hate me for it.
Im just running round and round in circles with this. There is no answer. -
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With your evidence lost, it puts a different perspective on wat your son says to you/others.
If he had no other person giving the inside track as it were, then they would have to take what his father says at face value.
How close are any of your own family to you? Perhaps when the come,if they do, it can be to take you both away.
I think from what you have said about your son I can gauge approx the age at which children talk like this…this is the voice of one torn in two.
He is trying to finish you, as ftc says. Now what’s left is you and your voice and how best to use it to help yourself and your son.
Do try the helpline as the more you can express to the experts your experiences the stronger the conviction you will get, and then you can make strong choices for you both.
Keep venting on here, it really will help, and no matter if you already know the answers yourself,its only up to you to make choices that best fit your circumstances, but ventinghere it gives you the opportunity to process what can be a massive tangle of thoughts and feelings.
Do keep posting and let us know how you’re doing. We’ll help in whatever we can.
Warmest wishes ts
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Reading your first post above lost again reminds me of my ex husband and the cuckoo conversations we had….especially nearing the end of our relationship…when he was getting really weird, he could feel he was loosing control of me….I was getting stronger and I didn’t care anymore…non of his threats scared me more than the thought of continuing a relationship with him!!
Good luck and keep posting xx
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That’s good. Keep posting and venting, and we’ll be here listening and helping however we an.
You sound determined now! Good on you.
Be sure you and your boy are safe always, he mustn’t know your plans, or that you might be planning. Talk about Christmas plans or something, in case he suspects anything.
Warmest wishes ts
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