Very low today

[Serenity]

I feel exceptionally low today.

Maybe it’s because I had problems sleeping last night ( I was awake until 4am), and maybe it is a reaction to his movements last week.

I had to get up so early for work today, and got caught in monster traffic. Everyone at the meeting was as fresh as a daisy and passionate about what they were doing. I, however, was back to feeling quite traumatised.

Today is the first day I think I am taking the step back and looking at my relationship from a distance. It evens so horrible how he seemed to have a motive from day one. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it, and I don’t know why Inputvup with it. Worse, I don’t know how he could treat me so badly when I e haunted myself looking after him.

I thought he was immature and oppositional when confronted, but So didn’t actually realise how sadistic until the end. I gave up so many years of my life, years I won’t get back.

I feel guilty for bringing children into the world with him as a father. I feelworriedabout their welfare. Will they ever get over his unkindness? After all, he won’t even go away.

I am very tearful this week.

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Serenity, I am so sorry that you feel sad at the moment. If it is any consolation I feel sad too. I think you split from your husband around (detail removed by moderator)years ago now?, & was with him for over (detail removed by moderator)decades. (I may have the stats wrong). You have two teenage boys together and divorced him. I know that what we all write on here, when you are a victim in an abusive fraudulent relationship as both of us were, during the relationship & afterwards is not the same as just a normal split. There are so many what ifs, questions you ask yourself over and over, trying to understand him and what happened, trying to unpick all of the time that you invested and come to some understanding. I think there are over 1000 women on this forum and each of us are mentally unbalanced due to what we have been through. I have thought recently that what we have been through could actually bring us to a more positive place in life. How about Terry Waite or Nelson Mandela who were both imprisoned for many years, not what they would have chosen and they went on to achieve a better life as a result. I think they saw strength & even love in their situation (distress toleraance and the art of acceptance). Maybe one day you will be able to see some good which has come out of your situation. A gain in personal strength has to be a good thing hasn’t it, you have gained in personal strength to how you were 5, 10 & 15 years ago. I think that I have gained so much greatness due to what I have been through, inner strength, though my days still feel lonely and I am not over what happened with my ex, I do not understand what I was involved with or if he was truly a con man. Also Serenity don’t forget the normal ups & downs of life. Only very recently you were so bright & optimistic about your positive holiday and how it was a turning point in your healing. You have also been apprehensive about him doing things and showing up more. These ups & downs are bound to affect your emotions. I feel sad as I have today changed my mobile phone number & email address. I did this as I din’t think i would be strong enough to cope if my ex contacted me. But it has made me feel sad, as if another door has closed. I’m sure that you will feel better in the next few days. It will probably a good idea to step up your coping strategies now your ex is becoming more of a pest. XXXXX

[KIP.]

Hi Serenity, it’s just the toxic aftershock of having to deal with his nonsense. I had it last week when my ex got in touch through solicitor. Give yourself a few days and you will pick yourself back up. What helped me was taking back control, I think it might be worth a solicitors letter to your ex warning him that his recent course of action is harrassment and your next step will be to report him to the police. I need to push back every time he pushes boundaries. Gray rock has its place but I’ve found my ex pushes and keeps pushing until someone official tells him otherwise and tells him there are consequences. I think it might help you take back control and not feel bullied? It worked for me X

[Healthyarchive]

Any time there is any sort of event, memory, action or reminder its likely negative emotions will arise. I have noticed this with myself, and some of those negative emotions were really awful, like serious depression. I expect it is what we have to face whilst still dealing with everything.

[older lady]

My daughter’s father turned up outside my home after a year’s absence. I felt both serious disappointment as well as acute anxiety. He sat outside in his car for four hours. I knew he was back in our lives again. My daughter was in tears, I tried to distract her but really I was thinking ‘how angry will he be’. No, they never go away. Not when they have court sanctioned and cultural approval to remain: child contact.

[Falling Skys]

Hi and hugs

These abusers never stop do they, they can’t help themselves. They can go through long periods of being quite then they stir the pot.

I have had to contact my solicitor regarding mines behaviour recently. Never any peace.

But you have/are doing so well this is just a hic up.

Like you I think of the time I waisted but I focus on the future I have got back.

FS xx

[Serenity]

Thanks all. You keep me sane X

Million kisses.

I think his onslaught is a reaction to me daring to go on holiday. How dare I enjoy my life.
Now I am thinking carefully what to do.

Massive hugs X

[godschild]

Hugs Serenity, im struggling at present as well x*x

[Itsoktobeme]

Hugs Serenity, it’s also allowed to feel low. It might not be nice or good but it is a natural reaction to what you have been through/are going through. How come we expect so much from ourselves, we forget to be kind to ourselves ? Take heart, it will pass and fade, like a wave, it will come again, but also go. Look after yourself x

[Falling Skys]

Hope today’s a better one.

FS xx

[Serenity]

Thanks all,

Feeling a bit happier.

I have had a full week with work, lots of meetings. I am lucky in that my job allows me much freedom. (I realise that he used to put my job down because he was jealous of this. But I worked so hard to achieve it. )

Godschild- are you ok?

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