Very Traumatic Experience

[Anonymous]

Morning Ladies

I am so sorry for posting again, I know I keep posting that I want to get out, but I do struggle to leave. It is not as easy as I thought.

I had a very traumatic experience last week. After the team building and all the abuse I had to go through, I was sure I was going to pack my bags and leave, but then his Grandmother died. It feels like every time I want to leave and is ready to leave, something big happens.

I was very close to his Grandmother, she was there for me and supported me, more than my own Grandmothers do. She used to phone me when I was sick or even just to say hi. I loved her to bits. We had to sit in the hospital next to her bed and basically wait for her to die. I know its not my Grandmother so I had to be there for him and his family, which is fine. But I had to pretend I am fine the entire time…which I am not.

Then on the funeral, one of his uncles came to visit with his dog (a poodle). His parents have a really big Bulldog. He is really friendly and never before attacked another dog. On the day of the funeral the two dogs decided to attack each other and the Bulldog killed the little poodle…again which we had to try and stopped so we saw everything. I love dogs, they are my life and I couldnt stand seeing the fight, I still cant get the image out of my head and the fact that we had to deal with 2 deaths on one day. His dad then flipped out and started hitting the Bulldog, which ended up in a fight between my partner and his dad, which then lead to a fight between my partner and his brother.

I know it sounds childish, but I feel so traumatized by this whole experience, I cant get it out of my head and I cant stand all the violence anymore. It feels like my life is surrounded by violence. Again, I had to be there for everyone as it wasnt my Grandmother or my dog, so nobody could understand why I would be traumatized. I just want some comfort and someone to tell me everything is okay.

And after all this, my partner is very high maintenance when he feels sad, I know it was his Grandmother and he is allowed to be sad, but he goes to such extent that he acts like he is the one who died and you have to literally do EVERYTHING for me, and if you dont, it ends in a fight because you are not there for him. After everything that happened this week, we lied in bed, but I didnt cuddle with him because my entire body is in pain. He got mad at me for not cuddling with him, after I told him I am in pain, and told me I am never there for him and told me that he is done holding his aggression back, he will never stop abusing me, because when he stops, I get out of hand.

I know I am not supposed to be the one that’s traumatized, but it was such a difficult week for me and I was not allowed to let my emotions out and then after everything getting told that he wants to abuse me for the rest of our lives? How to I deal with all of this, and I have to deal with it alone as well….

[KIP.]

You are absolutely the one allowed to be traumatised because you are traumatised. You are being abused in the most awful illegal way. In your head there will always be things your mind will cling to because you fear leaving. My ex mother died and not long after I tried discussing leaving and he turned it round on me. How his mother had just died, what a monster I was. You will find no love or empathy or sympathy with this man because he just doesn’t have any. And he will continually move the goal posts. Please get in touch with your local Women’s Aid. They can really help you understand x

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much KIP xx

I really do appreciate all your support

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Womaninneed, there will always be problems and distractions no matter where you are in life. I think it is best to make your mind up that you want to leave, set a date and do it, regardless of what is going on at that point. Even if his grandmother was not ill, there would have been something else. Leaving the relationship is so full of drama an upset anyway, it is part & parcel of getting out. Once you have left you can start managing the range of dramas, accusations & guilt trips from a distance. X*X

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much HA.

I know there will always be struggles, just feel like my life is a battlefield.

Thank you for your support

xx

[Falling Skys]

Don’t be hard on yourself, its never hard to get out and there is always an event which makes it harder.

Abusers surround themselves with drama, this is their doing but we get dragged in it. They use these events to control us.

Once you are further away from the epicentre (abuser) it will be easier.

FS xx

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much FS. I really do hope so

Thank you for all your support

xx

[KIP.]

I forgot to remind you that he chooses to behave this way. None of this is your fault X speak to your GP and tell her about your injuries X

[older lady]

This did happen to you as well. You knew the old lady and had your own relationship with her. You witnessed the dog fight and couldn’t rescue the poodle. Why shouldn’t you feel traumatised. What horrible memories to have to take with you from an already traumatising relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should be feeling. How you feel is how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Thank you Older Lady, I really needed to hear that. Felt so childish for having been traumatized

xox

[Ayanna]

Your story is heartbreaking, Womaninneed.
I hope you just leave.
Just get out of that door and go, do not turn back, just start afresh.
I pray that you will be able to do this. Wherever you are, I send you courage. x*x

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the kind words and support Ayanna

xox

[WalkerInTheRain]

She may not have been your blood but she was a companion, confidante and someone who you loved and enjoyed spending time with. You have every right to mourn her loss.
I’m not related to any of my friends or immediate colleagues but I’d have a b****y great hole in my heart if any of those sadly passed away.
Nobody should get to dictate how much grief we are allowed to feel or if someone’s loss is greater than another.

As for the dog, just the thought of that situation sounds utterly horrific and one that would affect any compassionate human being. That wasn’t just a dog, it was somebody’s pet, friend, furbaby…

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the kind words Walker in the Rain.

Makes me feel less selfish for being traumatized:)

[Author]

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