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My children have recently been showing me videos which they recorded of the n**********c abuser. Some of them were when I was still with him and there are recent videos of him when they last had contact. In these videos, he still shouts, swears, throws things around his property and has physically attacked our children. He has alcohol everywhere in his property and they have at times brought home cans of beer which they have stolen, when they are far to young. He was physically abusive to them when together and I found bruises on them on a few occasions. I never disclosed this before to social services who became involved as I thought they may take the children away there and then. They also told me he has porn on his computer which they have found when they visited. He even downloaded porn onto the eldest child’s USB stick which they use for homework files. As the children have got older they have lost all love and respect for him and only went to see him to ridicule his abusive behaviour and because he kept control over their possessions. In some of the videos, I can see our children provoking his temper but surely it doesn’t excuse this behaviour.
He kept contact with our children after we left, as he promised that he would be attending various therapy groups, (probably can’t name them on here). I found out last year that he just went straight onto his new supply even before we left and kept it a secret from me for a year and a half. She was also highly unsuitable to be around our children as her own were taken off her with serious allegations of abuse. He planned to get our children to meet this woman without my knowledge or consent.
I am so angry and not sure what to do. I know he has a new supply now. He’s gladly agreed now to arrange a van himself and have our possessions delivered to where I want. Probably also doesn’t want the police to escort us onto his property as it wouldn’t look good with the neighbours. I don’t know who she is but I think he is planning to move her into what was once our family home. Poor woman, she hasn’t got a clue what he is like. He’s probably manipulated her into thinking he is the poor victim and I am the abusive one like he has everybody around him. He told me that she has grown up children but I wonder whether there are any grandchildren involved. He even had the nerve to say that our children may be meeting her when he has only known her a short time. I told him that they will not be seeing him again let alone any woman he has just picked up. He is highly unsuitable to be around children, especially younger children. I am not sure whether to show these videos to the police as proof of his abuse to the children and I. They told me he deleted most of the videos of his abuse to me, not sure if they could be retrieved? If this woman has grandchildren, I feel she should be warned for their safety. Not sure if I should leave the matter alone or report him?
In a way, as hard as the videos are to watch, it reminds me of what a monster he is and how much better we all are to have him out of our lives. Strangely, I have a feeling of freedom and peace today knowing how far I have come getting away from him. I just need to concentrate on finding therapy for our children and I now.
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Your children sound very wise! I am not surprised you’re feeling so angry to see this so clearly. Yes I think if you have such clear evidence you should show the police and let them and social care decide if anyone else is at risk. It will also hopefully make certain that your children never have to be with him again, he’s put them (& you) through far too much already, horrible man xx
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I think you should report it definitely. I think as you say, there could be gran children and other people who could possibly suffer the same abuse. He’s been physically and emotionally abusive to your children too and they sound very aware of it.. And aware it’s wrong. What they say will be listened to. Your children won’t be taken away from you. He’s the abusive one and you’re not with him now so that is what matters. Please do report it even if it is so you and your children are never forced to see him again. X*x
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Hi Martian,
What a terrible thing for you to have seen, your children clearly understand just how terrible your ex has acted which shows that they have a clear understanding of domestic abuse and that his behaviour was unacceptable and wrong.
I agree with the other women, you should show the police and any appropriate authorities the videos and be completely honest and open with them. It is good for you tell them about any child abuse that has taken place to show that you understand it is unacceptable and you want to prevent it from happening in the future. If you are not transparent and honest it may reflect badly on you, like you were trying to protect your ex partner.
It is so great that you are away from him now and your children are safe and can relax once again. You clearly have a very supportive and trusting relationship with your children and they trust you. That is great to hear.
Best wishes
Lisa
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